Most of the e-mails I receive from this blog can be divided fairly neatly into three categories: asking for advice, positive comments about the blog and nasty comments about the blog. The overwhelming majority fall into the first two categories. But that third category? More often than not those negative comments have to do with my take on interracial dating/my featuring non-black men as the Hot Man Candy of the Week.
So I date white guys. I don’t shout it from the rooftops, but it’s not exactly some big secret. Just because I do date white guys doesn’t mean I hate black men. I know some awesome black guys, both friends and family. It doesn’t mean I’m turning my back on my blackness. When I look in the mirror in the morning, I'm still black. When I look in the mirror at night, I'm still be black. This doesn’t come off like stage makeup.
I’m not struggling with identity issues. I’m not coping with some deep seated emotional self hate. I’m not lacking in my knowledge of black history. I haven’t been brainwashed by “the man.” No black man has hurt me so badly that it made me go white.
The plain truth is, I’m just attracted to all kinds of guys. In part because of my job and in part because of where I live, I’m just surrounded by white guys. If I were living in an Asian country, I’m sure I’d be dating more Asian guys (side note: I do <3 me some Korean, Japanese and Vietnamese men). And if I lived in South America...hot damn. Just try and stop me.
My point being, dating white guys (or interracially in general) doesn’t necessarily make my experience as a black woman better or worse. It may give me a different perspective, but at the end of the day I’m still a black woman. Just a black woman who dates across the color spectrum.
13 comments:
PREACH IT GIRL!
I am normally a silent blog reader but I felt that I had to respond to this post. I really love this post because I am the same way and have to deal with the comments also. I do not understand why ppl think that we were deeply hurt by a Black man and that made us "go white". Nope never happened to me either just wasn't into Black men.
Please I have liked White and Asian men my entire life but when I was younger and where I lived it was taboo but when I grew up I branched out and now facing the world with my White husband. Oh and I love the all time famous statement that I get and I quote, "Your not black enough anyway so I'm not surprise." What! When I ask my fellow Blacks to describe what does being Black mean no one can give me a definitive definition! I know what and who I am and everyday the world likes to remind me of this! It can become really irritating when someone tries to question your "Blackness" but then I start to feel special because they are spending so much time focusing on me that I feel like an over night celebrity.
Keep rocking the eye candy post!
Last sentence I promise...I love your blog by the way!
*standing up and clapping* YES! And girrrl, I did meet some fine Asians while in Hong Kong. But they weren't interested in me. :-(
Dang, I wish I had written the book on dating white men! Not that I am an expert, really just focusing on a new kind of hustle.
I've always considered myself equal opportunity in the area of relationships. I found though especially after I went natural in college that black men weren't interested in me (except the old ones who said I reminded them of their youth). The only guys to give me attention were pretty much everyone else. I only got the attention of the brothers on campus after they saw me with a white guy. I wasn't going to waste my days pining for men who were quite frankly not that into me. I still go under the radar when I am home. One black man said, "You'd be really pretty if you straightened that hair". My white, non-American husband has never said such things to me. He is into me, as I am. That is the most basic thing I can ask of another human.
why are you reading my mind. i was JUST about to write on this this week. so many people ask me about this weekly, almost daily but you know what, society keeps telling us we will end up alone no wonder so many women are curious about odds and options abroad.
Never let the negative comments sour your perspective. You are old enough to know that there are miserable people in this world and there is nothing that can be done about that.
Are you still in Brussels? How's it going?
@Kiki - Yup, and I've encountered my share of miserable people! And yeah still in Brussels, although I'm getting ready to go home for the holidays. How are you? How's life in Switzerland?
I'm so late but I love this post! You took the words right out of my mouth. I'd like to add that the negative comments and disapproving glances are only really a problem for me when I'm in the States. People try to project their own issues about race onto others. I'm so lucky to have met a wonderful man abroad where we didn't have to deal with any of that. Love your blog by the way!
YASSSSS HONEY!
You read my mind! Mostly my family/friends don't have any issues with my dating choices (Because I can be a little bit.... testy) but occasionally someone in my circle will say something down right insulting. I defend myself but it does bother me. I like em white, Asian, Latin and everything in between. I like black men too- but usually they are a little thrown off by my ambitions and desire to live internationally.
Anyways, Thank you for this post! I'm glad I came upon it.
KB.
Very honest. You need not give an explanation to anyone why you prefer, or are attracted to what you're attracted to but I thought all of this was well said! *takes seat*
I'm a new reader! Looking forward to catching up on the journey.
Great post!
The type of girls I usually date are in between the ages of 27-40. I don't even consider dating a women in her early 20's for maturity reasons, they still have to grow up and experience the world, party, date, learn about what makes them happy, etc. The 27-32 year old range is a very weird range, typically you have women that either have gotten out a bad experience from their 1st love in their early twenties and are ready to have some fun and not seriously date, which I am all up for. Then on the other hand, you have the black girls who are ready to settle and have some kids and aren't really trying to date long enough to find out if the man is quality or man enough for that type of commitment. So it's either all or nothing in that age group. Then you have the MILF's.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Black-Girls-World/238862912874789
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