American Black Chick in Europe

Social Media and the Expat Life

2012-01-28T22:50:00.000+01:00

A friend of mine back in the States absolutely refuses to sign on to Facebook, mainly because she sees it as too impersonal, too lacking in face-to-face interaction. I can definitely see where she’s coming from. I jumped on to the Facebook bandwagon waaaay later than my friends. Most of them joined as undergrads. I’d finished university several months before when I finally bit the bullet and signed up. And the only reason I did was because I was taking a second trip across the pond and would be gone for 6 months. I figured it would be a good way to stay in touch with them while I was gone.

Fast forward a few years (OK 8 years) and now I don’t know how I ever got on without Facebook. Not just Facebook, but pretty much all forms of social media. Because of Facebook, I can keep in touch with friends I’ve met in my travels, friends back in the US, friends here in Europe, even friends in Asia. Friends that I normally would have lost touch with, not because I don’t value the friendship, but because of the distance and massive time zone differences.

Skype has allowed me to stay in touch with my friends and more importantly my family. Pre-Skype, those weekly phone calls to the fam really added up. Post-skype it’s easy and cheap for me to quickly call my parents, my brother, my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmothers, nephew etc. And Twitter allows me to interact with likeminded people, most of whom I’ve never met, some of whom I’ve had the honor of seeing face-to-face.

There’s something to be said about the “always on, always connected” nature of social media. Sometimes I do long for the days of being out of touch, unreachable (hence my aversion to getting a smartphone). But most days, I love the fact that with my laptop and a wifi connection, I can tweet to my cousins in Georgia and Florida, talk to my parents on Skype, and IM/Facebook message friends all over the world. Social media has definitely made the expat life a little easier.

EasytoBook.com Review*

2012-01-22T16:58:00.000+01:00

Awhile back I received an e-mail from the folks at http://www.easytobook.com/ asking me to consider writing a review of their website. Always happy to test out new (to me) travel products, I agreed.*

I compared the rates on EasytoBook with other hotel booking websites. The rates are similar to other hotel search engines I’ve used. It gives a range of prices from the lower end to the higher end. Although I tend to go for lower end hotels, the wide price range is helpful when you either feel like splurging or (as is often the case with me) you’re travelling with a friend who doesn’t do budget hotels. Luckily, this website accommodates both tastes plus all those in between.

As with most hotel booking sites, you can narrow the search down by price range, hotel star level and different amenities. But there are some rather convenient additional features on EasytoBook. For one thing, you can filter and sort the results based on the rankings given by previous guests. Very nifty for me, since I normally go to other websites to see the ratings given by guests anyway, so this saves me an extra step.

EasytoBook also has a “Compare” feature, which is perfect for looking at several hotels (and even rooms you’re considering within the same hotel) at once. Normally, I have several tabs open at the same time and go back and forth between them to compare rates and features, but with the EasytoBook site, you just click the “+” next to the rooms you’re considering, hit compare at the bottom and it brings up a second window that shows the booking conditions for each hotel, star levels, whether WiFi is available, the maximum number of people to a room, a small map with the location of the hotel marked (as well as distance from the city centre), any extras included in the deal and a breakdown of the amenities available.

There’s a good range of cities in Europe as well, covering most of the major cities on the continent. It’s not a comprehensive list, however, and there are not as many options for hotels in cities in South America, North America, Africa, and the Asia-Pacific region outside of the capitals or major cities as I would like, but I’m guessing that will improve as more hotels sign on to EasytoBook. For a full listing of where they do have hotels around the world check out: http://www.easytobook.com/world.

Now, for my readers who haven’t done much travelling and don’t know where to start (or if you’re going to a city for the first time), check out EasytoBook’s blog: http://blog.easytobook.com. They have insiders travel guides to cities across Europe…and some nifty contests.

Overall, I found that EasytoBook lives up to its name as a fairly simple, straightforward hotel room booking search engine. As always when using any travel website, make sure to read the terms and conditions. If any of y’all use EasytoBook, let me know what you think in the comments section!

*Disclaimer: Easytobook.com has provided a small financial compensation to review their website.

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2012-01-22T16:40:00.002+01:00

This week's Hot Man Candy comes courtesy of my friend Z, who suggested Turkish actor/model/all around hottie Kivanc Tatlitug. I mean, damn. Just. Damn. Enjoy!

Sh*t Black Moms Say...Or In My Case, My Dad

2012-01-18T21:58:00.001+01:00

Hahahaha! Yes! Actually my DAD said all of these growing up, not so much my mom. Except for the part about calling for money for school shoes. I never got that. I got: "You better talk to your mom about buying those high ass sneakers 'cause I ain't paying sh*t."

Reflecting and Commemorating on Martin Luther King Jr.

2012-01-16T23:27:00.000+01:00

It's the day we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday in the US! If you haven't heard the entire I Have a Dream Speech, have a listen. It's an impressive bit of public speaking.

Much like last year, I'm posting a few of my favorites quotes by the man himself to commemorate the day. Unlike last year, however, these are lesser used quotes:

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.

It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important.

That old law about 'an eye for an eye' leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing.

-Martin Luther King Jr.

Sh*t Relaxed Girls Say to Natural Girls

2012-01-15T20:23:00.000+01:00

LOL! If I had a nickle for every time I heard "When are you getting your hair done?" I could quit my job.

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2012-01-15T20:06:00.001+01:00

You know who I'm totally in like with right now? Donald Glover. You know why? Because he's adorable, can sing, is freaking hilarious AND made a cameo appearance on my (current) favorite web series The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl. And he grew up right around the corner from me (OK relatively around the corner from me) in suburban Atlanta. And he's adorable. That's why he's this week's Hot Man Candy pick.

Random Musing on Being an American in Europe

2012-01-08T19:05:00.002+01:00

While I was home over Christmas, I went with my parents to visit my grandmother. One of the ladies who runs the day programme my grandmother participates in asked me how long I’d lived in Europe. I really had to stop and think about that one. Nearly 3.5 years, spread out over England, France and Belgium. I didn’t realise it had been that long. OK for me that seems like awhile since my original intent was to come over for a year and do my MA. But you know what they say, the best laid plans…

Anyway, I digress. It got me thinking on the whole being American abroad. On the one hand, living in Europe has made me realise just how American I am. In terms of shared history, shared experience, shared culture, whenever I meet another American abroad, regardless of their skin color, this is what we connect over. Oddly enough, I never realised just how American I am until I left the US.

On the flip side of that, living overseas has allowed me to look at America as an American from the outside. It’s an interesting experience. America and her people are much more complex than most folks give her credit for. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve run into someone/received and e-mail/read a comment about how “all American xxx” I’d be a very rich woman right now.

I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be living in Europe. Another month, another year, another decade, I have no clue. But I’m glad I’ve had this experience, both for me as a Black person to really connect with my Americanness (pretend that’s a word) and to experience various aspects of European culture, especially those of the crazy Brits, Frenchies and Belgians.

I (often) make fun of all three but it comes from a place of love and (grudging) respect.But I again digress. Living in Europe has allowed me to explore just a tiny slice of a huge world. Hopefully, I’ll have the opportunity to continue diving in and digesting more of it.

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2012-01-08T15:06:00.004+01:00

OK, so I'm back in Brussels and (more or less) out of holiday mode, which means I'll attempt to start updating the blog more regularly. Up to bat now? The first Hot Man Candy of 2012, Sam Worthington! I first spotted the hotness that is Sam in Terminator: Salvation. Yeah, I know he was in Avatar, but I haven't seen it...don't judge. Enjoy! And as always, any suggestions for Hot Man Candy of the Week are always welcome!

Phoenix and Houston and NYC, Oh My

2011-12-23T03:27:00.000+01:00

I'm currently in the US spending some time with my family for the holidays. While in the good old US of A I'm mainly spending my time in Atlanta, but I did go see a few friends for (long overdue) visits in Phoenix, Houston and NYC. Since it as more of a catching up with friends visit as opposed to a tourist visit, I didn't take a ton of pictures. But I did take a few of signs/things that, um, caught my attention.

Oh America. You know I <3 you.

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-12-05T23:51:00.001+01:00

This week's Hot Man Candy of the Week is Enrique Iglesias...mainly because he's been hot since forever. I mean seriously, this dude is beautiful.

A Black Girl’s Guide to Dating White Men

2011-12-05T23:44:00.001+01:00

I haven’t read the book A Black Girl’s Guide to Dating White Men by Niki McElroy. Not sure if I’m going to yet. But I have read some of the reviews/watched a couple of her interviews and one thing that trips me out is the negative responses some folks still have to interracial dating.

Most of the e-mails I receive from this blog can be divided fairly neatly into three categories: asking for advice, positive comments about the blog and nasty comments about the blog. The overwhelming majority fall into the first two categories. But that third category? More often than not those negative comments have to do with my take on interracial dating/my featuring non-black men as the Hot Man Candy of the Week.

So I date white guys. I don’t shout it from the rooftops, but it’s not exactly some big secret. Just because I do date white guys doesn’t mean I hate black men. I know some awesome black guys, both friends and family. It doesn’t mean I’m turning my back on my blackness. When I look in the mirror in the morning, I'm still black. When I look in the mirror at night, I'm still be black. This doesn’t come off like stage makeup.

I’m not struggling with identity issues. I’m not coping with some deep seated emotional self hate. I’m not lacking in my knowledge of black history. I haven’t been brainwashed by “the man.” No black man has hurt me so badly that it made me go white.

The plain truth is, I’m just attracted to all kinds of guys. In part because of my job and in part because of where I live, I’m just surrounded by white guys. If I were living in an Asian country, I’m sure I’d be dating more Asian guys (side note: I do <3 me some Korean, Japanese and Vietnamese men). And if I lived in South America...hot damn. Just try and stop me.

My point being, dating white guys (or interracially in general) doesn’t necessarily make my experience as a black woman better or worse. It may give me a different perspective, but at the end of the day I’m still a black woman. Just a black woman who dates across the color spectrum.

Random Musings: London

2011-11-22T14:40:00.001+01:00

From London-April 2009

I took a short trip to London about a week and a half ago. Sorry, no new photos as this was a quick trip to visit friends, not so much a sightseeing expedition. As I made my way into town from Heathrow Airport, I started to remember the things I didn’t like about London. The crowded, sometimes delayed trains. The lack of deodorant use by at least one person on the Tube…invariable the person who’s armpit my nose was currently shoved under. The gray, gloomy skies.

But I must admit, a part of me also missed the quintessentially gray skies of London. The English habit of bitching about the pissiness (pretend that’s a word) of the weather. Facing the things about London I didn’t like, I’d almost forgotten how much I love that city. Almost.

I missed being able to go to stores that stay open past 6pm. Which proved quite useful as I stood outside a brightly lit and full Primark on Oxford Street around 7pm with nary a pair of underwear in my luggage.

I missed being able to find almost any type of food you can imagine (except decent Mexican…still haven’t found that in Europe). I missed the hustle and bustle of London. At the time of the evening where some parts of Brussels are winding down, ready for bed, London is just starting to fully wake up, gearing up for an eventful night.

I missed the large, beautiful parks that spring up like a quiet green oasis in the middle of an urban desert of concrete, glass and noise. And of course I missed the tea. The varieties of tea. The taking of tea (and the drinking of tea) to a high art form.

There are so many things I miss about that crazy city. But not the tourists. They still annoying the ever loving hell out of me.

Random Musings on Travelling and Getting Older

2011-11-21T23:45:00.001+01:00

Next year I’ll be celebrating three decades of life. That’s right, this American Black Chick is turning 30 next July! After reading a post on being too old for hostels over on Onekia the Traveller’s, I started thinking about the differences in my travel experience now now versus say five years ago.

Five years ago, I was all about taking Ryan Air and bunking it down in the cheapest hostel I can find. Now I loathe Ryan Air with the fire of a thousand suns and will happily pay more to avoid flying them. And this is coming from someone whose own thrifty-growing-up-poor mother calls her cheap. So yeah no more Ryan Air for me. Mainly because they suck.

When it comes to my accommodations now, I really, really prefer hotels, guesthouses or a small bed and breakfast. Or at the very least my own room in a hostel. I think I’m done with sharing a room with 10 strangers. Although I must admit I do miss randomly talking to people and connecting with folks from all over the world just by virtue of the fact that you’re sharing a huge (or in some cases tiny) dorm room with them. That aspect of hostels is cool. The 40+ year old guy sharing a hostel room with a bunch of 20 something women is not. That’s just creepy.

I think the way I sightsee is changing as well. Five years ago, whenever I went to a new city I wanted to see as much as I could fit in. Now I just want to enjoy the city. Take a leisurely stroll. Perhaps list a couple of can’t miss items to check out before I actually arrive, but in general I enjoy taking the time to really explore a city now, of getting a feel for it. To wander around, snap pictures, eat food, chat with folks and (if I speak the language) practice my ~~piss poor~~ language skills. I prefer the unhurried trip now over the rush of seeing it all.

I’m not sure what exactly triggered this change in my travelling ways. Perhaps I just don’t having the energy and stamina to run around all day anymore. Perhaps I’m starting to develop a better appreciation for not just seeing everything but really taking it in. Perhaps I just don’t have the patience to deal with drunk teens/early 20somethings stumbling into a hostel room and turning on the light while completely oblivious to their own noise level at 3am.

Or perhaps I’m just getting old.

Hot Man Candy of the Week: Topher Grace

2011-11-21T23:03:00.001+01:00

Anyone else see Spiderman 3 and think “Hot damn Topher Grace is looking good!” Really? Just me? Ummm...right then. At any rate, Topher, in all his cute adorableness, is this week’s Hot Man Candy of the Week!

Random Musings: The Rise of the Independent Woman

2011-11-07T00:00:00.002+01:00

This post came about because of an article I read on CNN entitled Are Women Leaving Men Behind? An interesting piece and definitely worth a read. More than anything, it got me thinking about male/female dynamics.

I’ve run into more than my share of guys (some friends, some random strangers) who tend to poo poo the Independent Woman. They see her as a symbol of man hatred.

But let’s examine this for a second. What exactly is an Independent Woman? I would say that she is someone who does not have to depend on others for basic survival. Probably has a job that allows her to, at the very least, support herself. Might own her own place/car/whatever. Possibly educated, probably to a fairly high level.

So what’s wrong with the Independent Woman? Some of my guy friends argue that she is a result of anti-men tendencies. But how? I’m not a man, so my perspective may be biased. However, could it be less that the America is anti-men and more the loosening of traditional gender roles?

For a long time in America women were very limited in what they could do and the type of jobs they could take, if they were allowed to work at all. And forget about getting an education beyond Home Economics classes. Too many people saw educating girls as useless anyway, focusing on educating the boys instead. Which of course meant that when the boys grew up they had more opportunities, more options while the girls were, by and large, dependant on their future husbands.

Fast forward to my generation and you see women getting degrees at higher rates than men. In the black community in particular I think it’s something like women earn 65% of BAs. I believe the numbers are even more lopsided the higher you move up the education ladder (don’t quote me on this...if someone has more updated/accurate figures please let me know and I’ll change this).

With these degrees, women have more opportunities, more options to provide for themselves, are less dependent on others for basic survival, which I think is awesome. But I’ve run into some guys who see this as emasculating. Or more specifically emasculating if the woman in their relationship earns more money, has a higher degree (or in some cases a degree at all) and.or owns property/cars/investments/etc. Too often such women are accused of “trying to be the man in the relationship.” But a woman making more money doesn't automatically make her the "man" in the relationship. By assuming it does, this holds to a very specific idea of the gender roles of men and women.

At any rate a relationship is (or at least should be) built on the idea of each person as an equal partner. So even if one partner makes more than the other partner, neither should have an automatic veto on decisions within the relationship. They (in theory) should come to a consensus together, no?

Now, on to the emasculation argument: is it a valid one or is it a matter of a man FEELING emasculated because the relationship doesn’t necessarily fit within the sometimes still strict view of the role of men and women? On the flip side of this, if a woman comes into a relationship with little to no money/assets/education/skills/etc they’re accused of being nothing more than a gold digger. So how are we supposed to win? Either we’re emasculating or we’re gold diggers. Very problematic indeed.

I was talking with my friend J about this issue and she made a great point: because there are so many choices in terms of the type of women out there, men often have no clue want they want. And beyond that, they often feel threatened by woman who, for lack of a better term, do it for themselves: “Men look upon every advance of women as something they lose, like someone had to lose when they don’t realize that if women are more empowered, they actually win.”

What do y’all think? Is the rise of the Independent Woman a good thing? Anti-male? Or simply the result of centuries of gender inequality slowly falling by the wayside?

Git It! Wedding Edition 2

2011-11-04T23:30:00.002+01:00

I love, love, love this father-daughter dance. It just seems like they really had fun. And the end is super cute:

Why Don't (Most) Black Folks Vote Republican? Part 2

2011-11-01T20:33:00.001+01:00

I’ve previously said that given that many (Southern) blacks are actually social conservatives (and often fiscally conservative as well) that the Republican Party should be able to capture a larger share of the black vote.

Yet, they don’t. Why? Many many reasons, not least of which many blacks still view the Republican Party as racist. I’ve said before that I don’t think any one political party is more or less racist than another...both have their bad eggs with sh*tty viewpoints, folks just have different ways of expressing it (straight up no chasers à la classic racism or wrapped in a soft cloak of liberal racism). This isn’t to say that all political parties or people are inherently racists. They’re not. Ignorant, yes. Racist, no.

Although I’ve written about Blacks their general aversion to the GOP before, I feel the need to write about it again. Why? Because of gems like this from the one and only High Priestess of Batsh*t Crazy, Ms. Ann Coulter:

The best quote from Ann Coulter during this mess of a commentary: "Our blacks are so much better than their blacks [Democrats]. To become a black Republican, you don't just roll into it. You're not going with the flow...and that's why we have very impressive blacks in the Republican party."

OK this statement right here? It assumes that all other blacks (i.e. the ones who are Democrats) blindly follow like sheep. That to be a Black Republican means you’ve really thought about it and made the choice to join the GOP. That second thought may very well be true. But it’s not necessarily less true of Black Democrats.

I consider myself an independent with both liberal and conservative tendencies. Both of my parents are Democrats. Both are also quite conservative on social and fiscal issues. Both are solidly middle class and my dad in particular is quite educated. Both believe in seeing people as and judging them as individuals. So why do they vote Democrat instead of Republican? A number of reasons, too many to go into in fact. But they didn’t blindly follow the herd and vote Democrat because other black folks do.

If the GOP were willing to actually listen to some of the complaints blacks (and really other minorities across the board...the GOP’s record with non-whites isn’t exactly spectacular) have about the party instead of loudly assuming that blacks who vote a straight Democratic ticket do so because they’ve been brainwashed into it and are too stupid to think for themselves, then perhaps they would be able to reach out beyond and expand their traditional (and rapidly shrinking) base.

Sadly, Ann Coulter and her thought process is the very embodiment of why so many blacks don't f*ck with the GOP. Just saying.

And I’m not even going to address the historical inaccuracy of what she said about the Democrats and slavery. Awww, f*ck it, yes I will. The Republicans of Lincoln’s day were actually more ideologically similar to the Democrats of today. And the Democrats of Lincoln’s day, who Coulter blamed for slavery, are actually ideologically closer to the Republicans of today. How did that happen? See: Strategy, Southern.

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-10-31T21:58:00.000+01:00

After much too long (yeah I've been slacking on the blog) I present to you, the Hot Man Candy of the Week: Jared Padalecki! Best known for his roles on Gilmore Girls and Supernatural, does anyone really wonder why I picked him as this week's Hot Man Candy? Didn't think so!

As a side note, I'm thinking of doing a regular guy version of the Hot Man Candy of the Week. But instead of posting up pictures of said hot guy plus my own brilliant commentary (ha!), I'm thinking of instead interviewing said regular guy hot man candy and posting up pictures plus a write up of the interview. So, if any of you have any suggestions/know any regular guy cuties willing to participate please send them my way!

As always, you can either leave a comment or e-mail me (americanblackchickineurope@googlemail.com). Although I do read all the comments I get, I'm much more likely to respond if you e-mail me. Since they sit in my inbox staring at me, e-mails are significantly harder for me to forget to respond to.

Random Musings on the Shared Values/Culture Argument Against Interracial Dating

2011-10-19T23:42:00.000+02:00

As always, I’m hella late. I haven’t gotten around to reading Richard Banks’ book “Is Marriage for White People?” yet, although I did read an article he wrote for FoxNews.com (don't judge me...I can talk sh*t about Fox News on a regular basis because I actually read and listen to their stuff on, um, a fairly regular basis) which hit some of the high points. I’m not getting into the book itself (although I thought he made some good points in the Cliffs Notes version I read), but rather some of the arguments I’ve seen against one of his suggestions: that black women expand their dating options.

One argument I keep hearing against interracial dating, at least within the black community, is the whole idea of having a shared culture and values with a fellow black person. I think the logic is slightly faulty, but I sort of get the argument. Race and how we view it in the US is a very complex. It’s hard to explain what it’s like to grow up as a black person in America to someone who’s not black, especially when it comes to discrimination.

But keep in mind, we black folks don’t have a monopoly on discrimination. Look at the Native Americans. The Chinese and Japanese immigrants on the West Coast who have been in the US longer than some of the folks of European descent. Hell, even some white folks faced their share of discrimination and hardship. See: The Italians and/or the Irish and/or the Polish...the list goes on and on and on.

But the shared values/culture argument tends to ignore a few things, namely that sharing the same racial background does not automatically mean you share the same values, culture or experiences. I grew up in a solidly middle class, fairly educated household with two (still married) parents who instilled in me a combination of conservative and liberal values.

Not everyone has that similar background and upbringing. Just because a man is black doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll understand that background and upbringing. It doesn’t mean he will understand why I think education, traveling and compassion for others is so important.

He might, but that’s not down to race. It’s down to having a similar background, a similar upbringing and the shared values that come with that. Although I’m not sure that a person of another race can fully understand what it’s like to, well be another race, it doesn’t mean that they can’t learn about and empathize with another person’s experience.

And I’d like to point out that no woman completely understands what it’s like to be a man and no man completely understands what it’s like to be a woman, regardless of race Something I’m constantly reminded of when twin brother, cousins and male friends of various skin tones occasionally let slip a “Oh menstrual cramps and/or child birth can’t be that bad.” *Raised eyebrow*side eye of death* The hell it ain’t.

A Protest Went Down in Brussels...

2011-10-16T23:39:00.002+02:00

...and I nearly walked straight into it. On the way to meet my language exchange partner I kept seeing cops on motorcycles and noticed there was almost no car traffic on the street I was walking down. I couldn't figure out why and asked my language partner when I finally met him, but he had no clue either.

Not five minutes after sitting down and starting our chat in French, I look up and see a wave of people walking right by my café window and heading towards the Bourse (the Stock Exchange)....me being clueless (and living in the Brussels equivalent of East Bumfuckville), I didn't even know there was supposed to be a protest on Saturday. An hour later, once my language exchange was finished, I walked back towards the Bourse and up Blvd. Anspach:

I don't have any issue with protesting. In the US you can see people from across the political spectrum protesting for or against something, from the far left to the far right. I don't believe in violent protest or protest that damages other people's property, but as a general rule I don't have any issues with (peaceful) protest. I mean, there are some exceptions, like when a group basically promotes hate speech (see: Westboro Baptist Church) as part of their protesting...that I have huge issues with. But I digress.

What I don't get protesting for the sake of protesting. If you're going to protest in support of something or against something, there should be a clear reason why you're protesting, clear goals that you hope to achieve with the protest and clear proposed solutions.

The photos above just told me one thing: some people are pissed off. But they don't have any solutions or suggestion for how to address what's pissing them off. This protest achieved what exactly? Other than leaving a mess (there were quite a few/quite a bit of signs/banners/spray painting/chalkings that I didn't take pictures of) that will have to be cleaned up...using taxpayer money. Or the sign that says "Anti-$€"...the alternative is what exactly?

People protest but do they actually know what they're protesting against (or for), why they're taking to the streets? I'm not so sure most people do. I don't know. I've said this before regarding the Tea Party: people are pissed, for a variety of reasons. That shouldn't be ignored. But too many people protest simply out of a "we're-mad-as-hell-and-we're-not-going-to-take-it-anymore" mentality without thinking about why they're mad as hell, what is the cause of their current situation and what can be done to address those issues.

Perhaps I'm growing reserved and/or even more cynical in my old age. Thoughts?

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-10-02T23:30:00.001+02:00

This week's Hot Man Candy pick is über cutie Val Chmerkovskiy from Dancing with the Stars. Y'all know I have a thing for cute guys with dark hair right? And this kid gets bonus points 'cause he speaks Russian (remember how I said I'm a bit of an accent whore? Yeah, I'm a language whore too) and 'cause he can dance like hot damn:

Oh and he plays the violin. Too. Sexy.

Silence in the Black Community

2011-09-27T21:35:00.001+02:00

I actually started writing this post back when the whole sh*t with Bishop Eddie Long hit the fan. I’m not going to comment on that specifically (although if you’re my friend on FB, you know how I felt about that whole situation). Instead I want to talk about silence in the black community.

One thing I still don’t get is the persistent tendency in the black community to not talk about things that are clearly an issue. For example, what about physical and sexual abuse? Everyone in a family will know about it (and sometimes everyone in the community) but don’t let the victim speak out and publicly denounce the abuser. Because that’s airing the community’s dirty laundry. Again, the hell?!

Or what about the insanely high numbers of out of wedlock births in the black community? Yes, out of wedlock births in the US in general are going up, but it’s especially high within the black community (up to 70% by some estimates). Instead of publicly addressing this issue, we seem to cast blame everywhere else/refuse to accept it: The numbers aren’t really that high. We were never meant to be in monogamous relationships. “Marriage” is for white people. Da f*ck?!

I don’t understand it. I don’t understand the silence that the black community persist in maintaining when it comes to issues such as these. Ignoring it, pretending it doesn’t exist and sticking our head under a rock won’t make it go away. We need to dig out some of those dirty secrets, some of those negative mentalities, expose them to the light of day and deal with it. Not dealing with it certainly hasn’t done any good.

Perhaps this is more of an issue for the black community in the South? Or maybe it’s not specific to the black community? Thoughts?

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-09-27T21:25:00.000+02:00

Is it just me or is there something ruggedly hot about the Discovery Channel's Bear Grylls? I mean, I don't normally go for the manly man type, but seriously if I were stranded in the middle of the Arctic, I'd totally want Bear Grylls by my side. One, 'cause he's the person most likely to get me out of it alive. Two, 'cause he's hotness. Hell, if I'm honest I'd pick Bear for reason #2 alone. Just saying.

Interview # 2! AKA Shameless Self Promotion!

2011-09-18T21:47:00.001+02:00

For those of you who are interested, Trina Roach over at International Black will be interviewing me about studying abroad tomorrow (Monday) at 12:30pm EST, 6:30 pm Brussels (with I think is CET).

For more information/instructions on how to listen in click here:

As an added bonus, you get to hear what I sound like (if you haven't already listened to the FM Brussels 98.8 interview)! OK, not much of a sell, but hey I'm working with what I got.

Interview!

2011-09-18T19:04:00.001+02:00

Guess who got interviewed by FM Brussels 98.8 because of this little old blog? I did! If you have a popup blocker you'll have to temporarily disable it in order for the player to come up.

I'm towards the end, so you'll have to skip ahead/search around towards the last third of the programme to find my bit. It's a Flemish station, so my interview sticks out since it was conducted in English!

Check out the interview here: http://www.fmbrussel.be/share/play.aspx?autorecorder%2Fzon_fmworld.mp3.

On the plus side, I sound less like a moron than I thought I would, although I did say "ummmmmmm" way too often. I really must work on that.

Amsterdam and Stockholm!

2011-09-17T23:00:00.000+02:00

OK I'm a bad blogger because I went to Amsterdam and Stockholm and took a grand total of 0 pictures. In my defence, I've been to both before and this was more of a chill/relaxing vacation than a sightseeing one.

I must say every time I go to the Netherlands and Sweden I really enjoy it. This go round I tried a herring sandwich, raw with onions and pickles. It was surprisingly delicious....so much so that I ate to. Don't judge me.

And as always, Stockholm was it's gorgeous self, men and the city included. Hot damn I need to move to Sweden.

I'm realising that I'm starting to go to the same places over and over again in Europe. Any suggestions for new/interesting places to hit as I (possibly) wrap up my time in Europe?

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-09-17T22:51:00.000+02:00

OK I know it's been a minute since I put up the main reason I'm sure most of y'all visit the blog: the Hot Man Candy of the Week! This week's pick is uber cutie Bruno Mars, 'cause well look at him. Have I mentioned I kinda <3 guys with curly hair? And who can sing? And damn can this kid sing:

Why the First Family (Especially Michelle) is a Good Thing

2011-09-17T22:45:00.002+02:00

Unlike most blog posts that deal with the Obamas, this one is not political. Odd I know. But bear with me for a moment.

Barack Obama has been in office since January 2009. Which I think is awesome for a number of reasons, but primarily because it shows an alternate view of Black people: that we’re not all poor, that we’re not all uneducated, that we don’t all come from broken homes. And for that I tip my hat to President Obama and the First Family.

But I especially want to turn the spotlight on Michelle Obama. I think the current First Family is a good thing. But especially Michelle. Here’s a black woman who’s intelligent, beautiful, accomplished and (seemingly) a devoted wife and mother. And I love that. I love the fact that Michelle Obama is the personification of an alternate narrative of the American black female.

This piece isn’t meant to blow smoke up anybody’s ass. No one is perfect and I’m not saying the First Family, Barack and Michelle are by any means. But dammit, it’s nice to see a different view of black people than what is too widely distributed by the mainstream media. Fox News’ attempts to paint them otherwise aside.

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-09-03T23:40:00.000+02:00

This week's Hot Man Candy was suggested by one of my blog readers Cassandra: Korean singer and actor T.O.P.! OK admittedly, I have no clue who this guy is (a couple of my friends have been trying to get me into K-pop for awhile, still haven't quite gotten there), but damn is he pretty to look at. Enjoy!

An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage?

2011-09-02T00:04:00.000+02:00

As usual, I’ve taken my sweet time (i.e. I’m hella late) writing my own response to an article published in the Wall Street Journal entitled An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage by Ralph Richard Banks. The article basically encourages black women to date interracially. And the author is a black man.

There are several bloggers I like (I don’t always agree, but I definitely respect them) who wrote responses to the article, including The Black Snob, Christelyn over at Beyond Black and White, and Jezebel.All three are interesting reads and make some good arguments. There’s a valid point about the need to reform the justice system for example and how unequal sentences for black men also directly impact black women in terms dating. But these are issues that will take years, if not decades, to address and can’t be addressed by the black community alone. It’s not helping the black women who want to get married now.

I’ve heard all the arguments before against black women dating interracially, in particular when it comes to white men: he only wants sex, no (white) guys ever approach me, he won’t understand me/my hair/my whatever, you can’t make black women suddenly be attracted to non-black guys. And I get those arguments. Really I do.

But I’d like to point a few things out. First, no woman knows a man’s intentions when he first approaches. There are men in all racial groups who are only out for one thing, but there are nice guys in all racial groups as well. But I think the whole history of slavery and the whole slave/slave master “relationships” that were so common often make black women even less likely to consider white guys.

Are there some white guys out there just looking to get laid? Of course. But there are black guys, Hispanic guys, Asian guys, etc. who are looking at black women for exactly the same thing. And there are nice white, black, Hispanic and Asian guys who don’t only think with their penis (well…not all the time).

And according to my own completely unscientific poll (which basically consisted of me asking my white male friends random questions on interracial dating), for them race wasn’t an issue. As my friend Sky pointed out, he tends to go for the same body type (slim). Skin color doesn’t really matter so much as body type.

And more than one of my black female friends married to/in long term relationships with white guys say that before them they’re significant other had never dated black women before. OK admittedly I mainly conducted my unscientific poll on my friends here in Europe, because, well it was easier. But just because someone has never dated black women doesn’t mean they won’t date black women.

Second, I think the whole fear of rejection also comes into play. A lot of black women only date black men (which is fair enough if that’s their preference), but some will straight embarrass a white guy who shows interest/ask them out. No one, white or not, wants that type of humiliation.

So I don’t think it’s an issue of non-white guys not being interested in black women. I think sometimes they’re afraid to approach black women they’re attracted to because they don’t know what the response will be. I know, I know, you never know what the response will be. But in the US, non-black guys (especially white ones) also have to consider a ton of American history and the racial baggage that goes with asking out a black woman.

Third, honestly I don’t think any guys actually understand women. Not fully at least. And when we get into hair care/beauty regiments etc, most guys are completely and utterly clueless. They just assume that we roll out of bed looking this hella cute. Because they’re guys. And normally, they do, in fact, roll out of bed looking just that hella cute. Bastards.

Now as far as the whole black women being not being attracted to non-black guys, I call bullsh*t. Sure everyone has their preferences and some black women are only attracted to black men. Fair enough. One of my friends totally gets the hots for blond haired, blue-eyed beefcakes. If you put the hotness that is Tyson Beckford or Blair Underwood or Taye Diggs in front of her, she would probably say “Oh that’s nice” while stifling a yawn. To each their own.

But I think for a lot of black women, it’s not a matter of not being attracted to non-black guys so much as fear of what other people think. As someone who has dated white guys, I can tell you there’s still a huge stigma from within the black community against black women who date white guys. It’s getting better, but most of the snide remarks I hear about my dating choices come from other black folks.

And don’t even get me started on the hate e-mails I occasionally get (and delete and/or put on blast depending on my bitchiness level for the day). Most of the e-mails I get are cool and respectful (thanks y’all!) but I’ve also been called everything but a child of God by a handful of folks who take exception to my dating interracially/blogging about dating interracially/daring to feature non-black men as Hot Man Candy.

Some of my favorite insults include calling me self-hating, psychologically damaged and n*gger slave wench. Insult aside, I’m kind of impressed someone managed to work the word “wench” into a (grammatically incorrect) sentence. But I digress. Imagine receiving this kind of vitriol from people you know, people you love. I have no problem telling folks to kiss my natural black ass (and have done so on more than one occasion). But for most folks, it ain’t easy.

Why so much anger at something that really doesn’t concern anyone else but you and the person you’re dating? My friend Bertina made a great point. She said “I think it’s a woman thing. You’re thought of as a possession.” And man, do people get pissy when you try to take away what they think is theirs. But again, I digress.

So, for my fellow black women who are interested in giving the swirling thing a whirl, may I make a few suggestions? If you really want to expand your dating circle, expand your circle of social activities. Try something different: go to a new exhibit at a museum, go to a concert featuring music you’re not as familiar with/don’t normally listen to, start learning a new language. OK, I’m a nerd so I do stuff like this anyway, but it’s interesting to see the diversity of people (or sometimes lack of black of people…that’s kind of depressing) engaging in cultural activities. We shouldn’t let anything limit us, either intellectually or in or dating lives.

I Love A Good (Funny) Story

2011-08-23T21:56:00.000+02:00

A little mid-week lightness, courtesy of a friend of mine who posted the following video on FB yesterday:

I must admit, this kid is a great story teller. And hilarious. Enjoy!

Thunderstorms

2011-08-23T01:17:00.001+02:00

There are thunderstorms in Brussels right now. As I kid, I used to be terrified of thunderstorms. I mean hide-under-my-blankets-clutching-my-bear frightened. During one visit to my grandmother's house in Florida, the mother of all thunderstorms started, the type of thunderstorms that literally shakes the house with each massive boom.

Noticing the look of utter terror on my face after a particular strong round of thunder, my grandmother marched me outside and sat me down on her porch. "There's nothing to be afraid of," she assured me. I was only 7 or 8 years old at the time, not quite old enough to realise that adults could be wrong. And yet, I still I had a hard time believing her as the thunder shook my seat and the lightning cut through the sky.

But she was my grandmother. She had never let me down, would never let anything hurt me. So I sat close to her, my heart jumping in tune to the thunder, watching the lightning decorate the pitch black Florida night like a demented fireworks display, listening to the *plink*plonk* of water as the large raindrops drummed on the tin overhang.

Most thunderstorms in the South tend to be powerful, albeit short. But to my young mind, that thunderstorm, which was probably no more than 30 minutes, lasted hours. And the whole time my grandmother was there, holding my hand. After a while the rain slackened, the lightning grew weary of putting on such a vivid display and the thunder dulled to a whimper. When the storm finally died down, we went back inside to join the rest of my family.

My grandmother has Alzheimer's. The days she knows who I am rapidly dwindle, as the days she greets me with with a questioning look in her eyes steadily increase. Most days she doesn't remember me, let alone the time she sat outside with a scared little girl riding out a Southern thunderstorm.

But I do. As I sit here listening to the thunder, watching the rain fall in the streets of Brussels as the lightning puts on tepid, halfhearted display, I do.

Finland!

2011-08-16T19:45:00.000+02:00

As I mentioned in my previous post, I took a long weekend to Finland...mainly because I could. I spent a few days exploring Helsinki (which I've been to before) and Turku (which I now want to go back to and explore further). Ah Finland...you're kind of an awesome, if crazy expensive, country.

From Helsinki #2

From Turku

As always for more pictures, click here for Helsinki and here for Turku.

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-08-16T18:33:00.000+02:00

Sorry y'all! A combination of being busy at work, taking a long weekend to visit Finland (a few pictures to follow) and (now) being sick means I'm much delayed on the Hot Man Candy...which I shall make right now. This week's pick is Ryan Kwanten from True Blood! I've never actually seen True Blood, but if they keep featuring hotties like Ryan Kwanten and Alexander Skarsgard, I might have to start watching.

Living Abroad = Rich ?!

2011-08-04T21:42:00.000+02:00

I was chatting with my cousin a few weeks ago and he asked me where I was. And I mean that literally. He seriously had no clue what city, let alone what country, I was in. To be fair, Over the last 3 years I’ve lived in 3 different countries (England, France and now Belgium) and that doesn’t include the 3 months I spent at home in the US to see my family last year before starting my internship. So yeah, I get his confusion.

But when I updated my cousin on where I was and where I’d been (he thought I was still in England, which was two countries ago) he said something to the effect of “Damn cuz you must be rich to be living in Europe!”

Funny thing is: I’m not. I mean I’m not struggling (now) mainly because my current (temp) job pays pretty decently. But two years ago I was a student. And a year ago I was getting ready to start life as an underpaid intern. Plus, since I do actually like seeing and spending time with my family, I try to go home (at least) once a year. The cost of flying can really add up (as in around $1,000 or more roundtrip to/from Brussels depending on when I fly). So I’m definitely far from rich.

I have the same expenses as everyone else: student loan payments, rent, food, medical (ok this is admittedly cheaper here in Belgium), etc. And surprisingly most of that stuff (rent, food and other odds and ends) is actually more expensive here than in the US. Do I make more here in Belgium than I did in the US? Yes. But my cost of living is higher, as is the tax rate. The top tax tax bracket in Belgium is around 50% (and trust me it doesn’t take much to hit that bracket...I think it’s around 35,000 EUR a year) and the VAT (Value Added Tax, which is like a sales tax on goods) is around 21%...so yeah, no sympathy to my friends back in the States who bitch and moan about taxes.

But I digress. I do wonder why some folks back in the States assume Americans who live overseas, in particular in Europe, are rolling in dough. Sure there are the executives and folks who work for international organisations that rake it in, but for the most part I don’t see a ton of filthy rich American expats. Just folks who have to manage and budget like everyone else.

5 Signs I Might Have Been in Belgium Too Long

2011-07-31T20:01:00.000+02:00

I've been in Belgium for nearly a year now (which is about 6 months longer than I expected). As it looks like my current contract might get extended for a couple more months (which pushes my leaving date to the end of October), I thought I'd list the top 5 signs that I may have been in the land of frites, chocolate and waffles too long:

The possibility of the temperature getting above 70F/21C in July makes me smile like a small child on Christmas Day. Belgium is not known for it's sweltering temperatures. For good reason.
I start craving Bicky Burgers. Don’t know what a Bicky Burger is? Neither do I! Best I can tell it’s a patty of meat of questionable origin that is thrown into a deep fryer for a couple of minutes and then covered with ketchup, processed cheese and some yellow sauce that is most definitely not mustard (I made that mistake the first time). Despite my snarky description, I’m actually starting to develop a taste for them…to the point where I have days where I crave Bicky Burgers.
I now expect to have at least 10 different sauce options when I order frites…all mayo based. And I no longer complain about paying 0.50-0.60 extra for said sauce. But I will keep complaining about paying the same amount to use an establishment’s bathroom. If I paid for food in your place, that’s my free bathroom pass right there.
I now make a distinction between Belgian spicy and actually spicy. Whenever I’m eating with someone of European extraction who exclaims that whatever meal we’re chowing down on is “quite spicy,” I automatically reach for my ground, dried cayenne pepper and pili flakes. ‘Cause that sh*t ain’t spicy. Bless their hearts the Belgians, much like the Frenchies, don’t seem to handle spicy well.
I not only listen to, but actually enjoy, techno and house. Don’t judge me. David Guetta is the sh*t!

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-07-31T19:32:00.000+02:00

I'm kind of secretly in lust with Don Lemon. Partially because he’s so freakin’ cute. And partially because of this clip from the Daily Show:

The Daily Show - CNN Anchor Don Lemon Appears Not to Care for CNN
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Whatcha Lookin' At?

2011-07-25T13:32:00.003+02:00

One of the things I’m still getting used to living in Europe is being stared at. As a general rule, I don’t like to be the centre of attention. Odd I know considering I studied journalism…and not just journalism, but broadcast news. But as a pseudo-writer, I prefer to tell other people’s stories and fade into the background.

But here in Belgium I’ve noticed that I get stared at way more often than I did while living in the US. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely got stared at in the US (mainly by random guys on the street or on public transport), but it definitely happens more often here in Belgium. Or perhaps I should say, folks are more open, more obvious with their staring. When I used to live in Atlanta and New York, if someone caught you staring at them, nine times out of ten the person staring would look away.

But that’s not really the case here. When I catch folks staring at me I’ll often look back at them, waiting for them to break their stare. That rarely happens though. It’s not even like I’m a hot chick either. I MIGHT be cute on a good day, when I actually bother to put on jeans that don’t have holes in them and I make an attempt to neaten up the ‘fro. Hmm…maybe that’s why folks stare…

There are some places I expect to be stared at, for example when I spent two months in Asia. There aren’t a lot of people who look like me in some of the towns I went to, so yeah staring is expected. Although I must admit I was kind of surprised by the number of people who walked up to me and took pictures of me and with me in China. That was a bit disconcerting.

But with the above exception, I HATE being stared at. Wanna talk to me? Then talk to me. Don’t f*cking stare. Makes me think I’ve gotten something incredible disgusting caught in my teeth (or possibly my ‘fro) or that parts of my body are unknowingly hanging out. Either way, not cute.

For my followers living abroad (both black and non-black), have y’all experienced this? If so, do you find the level of staring worse, better or about the same as in your respective home countries?

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-07-24T20:43:00.001+02:00

This week's Hot Man Candy of the Week comes courtesy of my friend James. When he found out about this feature of the blog he sent a couple suggestions to represent his fellow countrymen. First up, British Formula One driver Jenson Button. I'm not a racing fan at all and I've never seen a race, so Jenson is up here more or less because he's really pretty to look at. James has been trying to get me to try watching Formula One for awhile now. Damn, if the drivers look like Jenson, I might just have to take up another sport.

Random Musings: Workplace Relationships

2011-07-24T20:38:00.000+02:00

Last week, I asked a question on Facebook about workplace relationships. That FB status got 39 comments (trust me that’s waaaay more than usual since my FB is my personal one, not connected to the blog). There were quite a few “hell no it doesn’t end well”, as well as a few “sure why not, but keep it discreet.” A couple folks also pointed out that quite a few people meet their spouses at work, so why not?

I tend to be quite divided on this. Yeah, it’s true a lot of people meet their future spouses at work. But these are the cases where the relationship works out...what about the ones that don’t? If you work at large company/in different departments, OK fair enough you don’t really have to interact with that person if things go sour. But if you work at a small company or in the same division (or in my case, in large organisations that is a bit of a bubble), you might still have to not only see, but work with your ex on a daily basis. No bueno.

My long standing rule is “you don’t sh*t where you eat” when it comes to work place relationships. I used to be quite strict about dating a co-worker: a strict no no. I’ve since relaxed the rule (slightly) to "keep it neat and keep it discreet" IF one feels the need to engage in an office romance. I’m a fairly private person anyway (blog notwithstanding) so you can be damn skippy that if I ever momentarily lose my damn mind and date a co-worker not a damn soul will know about it. At least not from me.

I’ll pose the same question I did on Facebook: Work place relationships? Yea or nay?

Wienerschnitzels and Germans and Bier! Oh My! Part 4

2011-07-21T16:00:00.000+02:00

Nearly 7 months after our adventures in Germany, my friend kushgirl has finally sent me the final installment of her guest post about our time travelling around Germany last Christmas. If you need a refresher, check out Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3. And if you don't, here's the rest from kushgirl:

Stuttgart was interesting, it had an industrial feel to me, but perhaps that’s because it’d been wet, cold, grayish and rainy when we arrived. There seemed to be a lot funky restaurants and bars in and around downtown. Unfortunately our hotel was 15 minutes from downtown. On the other hand it was the most luxurious we’d stayed in yet. There was a 4 star restaurant in the lobby, a bar, and a spa and massage clinic on the 10th floor. We said we’d definitely use the spa and massage clinic, but we all knew we wouldn’t wake up, or we’d be too “happy” to remember after a night of festivities.

We arrived at night, and we were exhausted. There’d been all types of delays because of unexpected frost and snow. So for all intents and purposes we only had one night in Stuttgart and we had to make it count.

We asked hotel staff about clubs and bars. They gave us a few names, and drew circles on some maps. Having a horrible sense of direction, it didn’t mean squat to me, luckily ABCiE and Kajol were paying attention. That night we went to one of those funky downtown restaurants. It was eightish almost nine when we left, a little too early for the clubs but ok time for a lounge or pub.

Maps in hand ABCiE led the way. I just followed a long happily, confident we’d arrive somewhere soon. We arrived at a silver building. People were coming in and out.

It was a long bar tended by various men and women, some emo looking but all had the mark of the hipster. As soon as we stepped in we were cocooned in warmth. It was such a relief from the bitter cold.

Hopeful as usual I approached the bar and asked for a mint mojito. To my surprise and delight the bartender knew what it was and delivered it with panache.

ABCiE being the puritan she is ordered soda pop*, Kajol got rum and coke. Two drinks later I was feeling buzzed and all was right in the world. I noticed two guys. Not because they were particularly attractive, but they happened to be the closest. Armed with liquid courage I chatted them up. I thought the one with glasses would be perfect for ABCiE in that I wasn’t attracted to him and as rule if I’m not attracted to him than ABCiE is attracted to him and vice versa.

Unfortunately ABCiE wasn’t impressed*. I attempted to engage both men in conversation. The more attractive of the two was enthralled by Kajol. But once again it was a case of unrequited, Kajol wasn’t having it. So I was left trying to talk to two men who weren’t interested in me and vice versa while ABCiE and Kajol attempted to dance around them. Finally we escaped the pub to go to a club we heard about.

There was a line, and it totally felt like a college crowd but at this stage well, beggars can’t be choosers. We had to prove that we were legal age, and I have to say that was the first time I was ever carded on the whole trip. We laughed and giggled with the bouncers, telling them “you know we’re old as Hell.”

The club was two levels, with bars and a dance floor on each level. The restrooms were on the top level along with mirrored walls. I have to say I felt like a dancing queen that night, and I’m not an amazing dancer, I’m alright, but the crowd well they made me look real good. Kajol and I quickly got buzzed and we just danced, a couple little college guys asked to dance with us, we obliged and then strolled off to the bar.

At the bar we got free drinks from one of the bartenders/managers who was an older Dutchman who didn’t speak English, at least hats what he told us. I started to drink mine but Kajol took it from me, claiming that it was probably spiked. He did keep looking at us suggestively all night long. Kajol said we were probably his dream, an Indian and a Black girl, “dude he tots wants to rape and sodomize us” so that kept me away from his end of the bar, and his free drinks.

Sometime in the night we took video of ourselves dancing, and laughing. We took bathroom trips, and generally laughed like loons. ABCiE didn’t want to dance or drink.

The music was 80, 90s and contemporary, unfortunately there were the obligatory techno songs which I dutifully danced to, not without protest.

Kajol kept asking me when we should leave, and I kept saying “not yet,” by the time it was 4 am we were both ready to leave. As we went to get our coats and bags I realized I hadn’t taken any pictures with Germans, and so like a dumb, slightly (ok very) inebriated American I approached these two guys. After I ascertained that they spoke English I asked them if I could take a picture with them, they didn’t quite understand. So I just grabbed and got ABCiE to take the picture.

Afterwards I introduced myself, I can’t remember their names now, but they were quite attractive. ABCiE asked me where I’d met them. I told her I’d just met them. She laughed, thinking it was hilarious I’d just taken pictures with random strangers.

But then our German trip was kind of amazing, filled with laughter, inebriation, fun, and yes random pictures with gorgeous strangers. Until we met again Europe!

*ABCiE note: I don't drink alcohol. And I should point out that kushgirl has HORRIBLE taste when it comes to picking out guys for me.

Paris!

2011-07-21T00:11:00.000+02:00

So I went to Paris for a long weekend to celebrate turning 29/get out of Brussels for a few days. And of course, I have pictures! As I've been several times before, I didn't really focus as much on the tourist stuff, but the random shots and interesting angles I saw as I wandered the streets of Paris with two awesome friends:

From Paris, France #5

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-07-21T00:05:00.000+02:00

Since I took a long weekend and went to Paris for my birthday (pictures to come), I'm just now getting around to putting up the Hot Man Candy of the Week. And oh what a hottie he is.

Thanks to my friend L for this week pick: Joe Manganiello. Having never seen True Blood or anything he’s been in, Joe’s the pick this week because he’s pretty. Really. F*cking. Pretty.

Another Blog Shout Out: Sober In The Cauldron!

2011-07-08T13:36:00.000+02:00

Blog Shout Out: Sober In The Cauldron! I'll let Fried Dodo take it from here:

Sober In The Cauldron offers tidbits on culture, neuroses and Jupiter, a skewed perspective The Fried Dodo has claimed as her own. Randomness is a mantra.

If this piques your interest, check out the blog here.

As always, if you want me to do a blog shout out for you, drop me a line with a link to your blog and blurb describing it.

Happy Birthday America!

2011-07-04T07:48:00.000+02:00

It’s the 4th of July! Yay! And I have to work. Boo. One of the disadvantages of living abroad (and not working for the American government) is that I don’t get American holidays off, including Independence Day. So, as I’ve done previously when living in a foreign land on the 4th of July, I will wander the streets of Brussels singing a randomly picked, patriotic song:

I kid, I kid. I’ll be working today and probably be too tired to muster up even one “America! F*ck yeah!”

To all my fellow Americans: enjoy the BBQ, time with family and fireworks! And give a brief thought/eat an extra burger/shoot off some extra pretty fireworks for those of us overseas.

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-07-03T16:35:00.001+02:00

I’ve previously said that I’m a bit of an accent whore. I should add that guys who can speak other languages get HUGE bonus points. And when they look like this week’s Hot Man Candy pick Bradley Cooper and happen to speak French fluently, well then, I can't be held responsible for my actions:

To be honest Bradley Cooper never really gave me fever...until I saw this video. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I <3 me a Renaissance Man (see Jackman, Hugh).

On an unrelated side note, I want to get my French to this level, where I can comfortably answer questions in an interview setting. Which, um, would require me to use my French for more than ordering frites et gaufres. Minor detail.

Farewell to Glenn Beck (For Now)

2011-07-03T16:16:00.000+02:00

A send off to my favourite pseudo pundit (to mock):

I have no doubt that, much like a bad rash, he’ll be back.

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-06-25T01:50:00.003+02:00

I'm still on a blonde binge, which I'm completely (still) blaming on kuskgirl_56. And the blondies don't get much hotter than this week's Hot Man Candy: Alexander Skarsgard. Clearly, I need to move to Sweden 'cause...well...Exhibit A: the picture to your left. Hot. Damn.

Pictures from Dinant!

2011-06-25T01:50:00.002+02:00

I actually went to Dinant (in the French-speaking Wallonia region of Belgium) months ago, but due to internet troubles (as in not having any) when I moved to my new(ish) place, I've just now gotten around to uploading pictures from my trip. A few below. To see the rest, click here.

From Dinant

The Angry Black Bitch...

2011-06-21T22:24:00.001+02:00

As some of y'all know, I read news from a lot of different online sources....some more reputable than others. Whenever I finish up an article, I normally take a quick scan of the comments, in part because it gives me new perspectives from which to process the information I've just read and in part because I find it quite interesting what people say when they're clothed in the cloak of anonymity offered by the Internet.

The list of topics I normally read don't vary drastically: news, politics, the occasional bit of sports (if it involves Stade Toulousain), opinion pieces, travel, fellow expat blogs, interracial dating/black women empowerment blogs (I don't always agree, but still interesting to read another viewpoint), etc. And of course, because I'm black, I'll also read articles about "the state of black America" and "the state of the black female." Sadly neither subject tends to come out looking great in the mainstream media.

Too often the nuances and complexities of being black in America, as well as the double burden (for lack of a better word) of being black AND female in America are lost, both in the mainstream media and in the media specifically designed to target the black/black female market. From reading some of the comments, I do occasionally see commentors (who purport to be black women) try to correct some of the misconceptions and stereotypes....and invariably they get saddled with the "angry black woman" label. This got me thinking about about how this translates into the real world.

The women on my dad's side of the family, in particular, have a reputation for being "angry black women." But far from being angry, I think they're just not willing to put up with bullsh*t from anyone and they make it known. Too often I think people confuse sticking up for oneself with being an angry bitch. Through a bit of brown into the mix and you have "the angry black bitch."

I'll freely admit that I have a mouth on me. Smart ass runs through my blood. I'm not a confrontational person by nature, but I do have a hella side eye I employ if you piss me off that can cut ice. My "step off" face is something serious...and definitely came in handy when some random dude proposed to me on the bus here in Brussels and wouldn't. leave. me. the. f*ck. alone when I said no. Repeatedly. As a general rule, however, I don't like upsetting or humiliating people and refrain from doing so.

That being said, I'm not afraid of politely challenging some of the misconceptions that I sometimes encounter here in Europe about blacks, black females, Americans, Southerners, etc. And taking it one step further, when I receive hate e-mails (which happens more often than one would think for my not that serious blog), I'm more than happy to wax poetic about why you're a moron. Does this make me an "angry black woman?" I don't feel particularly angry when I occasionally respond to the hate e-mails. Irked. Irritated. A bit perturbed perhaps. But not angry. But by sticking up for myself, am I automatically relegated to "angry black bitch" territory?

When y'all come across someone spouting stereotypical views about, well anything really, do you challenge or try to correct those views? For my female readers, are you sometimes labelled a "bitch" for it? For my black female readers, do you find that you're sometimes labelled as the "angry black bitch" if you do so? For everyone, does that fear of being labelled make you more hesitant to speak up and speak out?

Thanks....And Pictures from Normandy

2011-06-13T14:39:00.000+02:00

First, I just want to say thanks for the messages of support, both through comments on my last blog post and via e-mail. Even if I didn't respond to all of them individually, I really do appreciate it.

Second, I'm slowing getting back into writing. I've written a couple things, but more to get my own thoughts out over the last couple of weeks, not to put up on the blog. I'll starting writing some new posts for the blog soon.

In the meantime, here are some pictures from a trip I took to Normandy back at the beginning of May. I can finally put them up now that I have consistent internet that doesn't involve me ghetto rigging my mobile as a modem.

My friends and I spent most of our time at the D-Day beaches exploring bunkers and the American cemetery in Normandy paying our respect, but we also spent a day at Mont. St. Michel:

From Normandy, France

For more pictures from Normandy (there's a quite a few...some good, some not so good), click here.

Happy Loving Day!

2011-06-12T15:36:00.000+02:00

Happy Loving Day everyone! Even though I'm not in the US right now, I'm still celebrating the 1967 Supreme court case Loving vs. Virgina, which struck down anti-miscegenation laws across America. It wasn't that long ago that folks of different races were legally barred from marrying each other.

Celebrate by getting your swirl on! Or not. Therein lies the beauty of choice.

A Quick Update

2011-06-03T13:29:00.000+02:00

I know it's been awhile since I've updated the blog, but I got some bad news from home last week and haven't felt much like writing. I'll be back to blogging soon, just don't know when...trying to let everything sink in first.

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-05-24T21:12:00.000+02:00

I completely forgot to put up the Hot Man Candy of the Week! Which I shall make up for right now...this week's pick comes courtesy of reader Elizabeth Francis, who suggested him in the comments section of the last Hot Man Candy of the Week: French R&B singer Matt Pokora! Normally I pick the Hot Man Candy based on some awesome skill or talent...but I've never heard Matt Pokora sing, so I'm basically picking him because he's pretty to look at. Really, really pretty to look at. Enjoy!

Random Musings: Freedom of Speech versus Freedom from Consequences

2011-05-15T22:35:00.001+02:00

I’m a huge fan of freedom of speech. Although I’m not currently a journalist, I am (technically) one by training so I had to study all the major US cases dealing with freedom of speech, freedom of the press, etc. A respect for free speech is pretty deeply ingrained in me.

Quite a few people think that freedom of speech means you can say/write whatever you want. It does. But freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom from consequences. If you say or write something insulting to another person, organisation, philosophy, whatever, you still have to deal with the consequences of that free speech.

As many of y’all know, I watch/read/digest various sources of news. I can’t help it. It’s the old J-school training. I follow news with hard left, hard right and middle of the road perspectives from a variety of countries. And one thing that trips me out is when some well known figure says something, people get pissy about it (normally because what they said was offensive) and then the well known figure blusters about how their free speech rights are being curtailed and how they’re a victim of censorship.

Sigh. The pseudo-journalist in me just threw up her hands and gave a wicked side eye to that argument. Mainly because it’s bullsh*t. And not even well done bullsh*t at that.

In the US, anyone is well within their right to say or write (for the most part) whatever they want. Yes there are certain limits in place, but on the whole freedom of speech has been pretty broadly upheld by the US Supreme Court. But freedom of speech and freedom from the consequences of that speech are NOT the same thing.

Can a racist at a company say he refuses to hire minorities because they’re lazy and untrustworthy? Sure. And those same minority have every right to denounce him and sue his ass for discrimination. Does that mean his free speech is curtailed? No. He can say whatever he wants. But that doesn’t mean he’s free from the consequences of his words.

Same thing with a misogynist. He can talk till he's blue in the face of his undying contempt for women. And women are well within their right to call him a moronic mofo and denounce him. Having your ass called to the carpet after you say something idiotic or offensive isn’t censorship. It’s censorship if you’re stopped from saying it in the first place.

With the right to freedom of speech comes the responsibility of accepting the consequences of your words. I’m looking at you politicians and pseudo-pundits of the world. And especially you Glenn Beck.

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-05-15T18:52:00.000+02:00

Despite never seeing a single episode of the OC, I’m picking Adam Brody as this week’s Hot Man Candy. Why? Because he’s adorable. And I because kinda love adorable nerd types. Even more so if it looks like they can pull off an impressive white boy ‘fro. Enjoy!

Beautiful Belgians: Recycling

2011-05-14T21:25:00.001+02:00

I'm American, so as a general rule I don't like being told what I can and can't do and I damn sure don't like being required to do anything. Sorry if I offend my fellow Americans...but y'all know that's true!

But here in Brussels you're required to sort your trash from your recyclables (white bag for trash, blue for cans/bottles/plastic, yellow for paper/cardboard and green for lawn waste). If you don't sort it, you risk a nice little fine courtesy of the non-existent government (yeah this country still doesn't have a government).

For some reason I don't mind being required to recycle. Probably because I know that in the long run it's in my own best interest (as well as in the best interest of any possible future kiddies I might birth out and/or adopt). I know recycling is a bit more complicated in the US. There are some things you can and can't recycle. But, It's fairly easy here as most recyclable items are marked with some variation of the symbol above.

Plus recycling isn't much of a stretch for me anyway since I did it growing up. We used to recycle drink cans and newspapers...in fact my parents still do. They have a separate bin in their living room for newspapers and a barrel for cans in the backyard.

On a random side note, I've been trying for years to convince my dad (an avid gardener) to create a compost heap, but he nixes that idea every time. I think that might be a little too hippie for him.

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-05-09T21:48:00.000+02:00

Although I'm often late, I rarely forget the Hot Man Candy of the Week. Especially not when he looks like hottie Rick Yune, best known for his role in the Fast and the Furious. I think I may have previously admitted to having never seen any of the movies in The Fast and the Furious series right around the time I picked Paul Walker as the Hot Man Candy of the Week. Same applies to Rick Yune. Never seen The Fast and the Furious, but seriously starting to reconsider that...'cause hot damn he's pretty to look at. And those abs...is it a requirement that you need abs I could wash my laundry on or something to be in those movies? I mean, seriously!

Black Globe-Trotters

2011-05-09T21:38:00.000+02:00

I just finished reading an article over on TheRoot.com which highlighted 7 young, black globe-trotters. I must admit, I smiled after reading that article. Why? Because it always makes me happy to see my fellow young Americans travel...even more so when I see other young black Americans travelling, living, working and studying abroad.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: travelling is so important. It's great way to broaden your horizon. It forces you outside of your comfort zone. It forces you to be flexible, to adapt. And it forces you to confront stereotypes head on...the ones you have for others and the ones others have for you.

I think travelling is especially important for black folks of ALL nationalities. We can't sit idly by and bitch and moan about how negative stereotypes about us exist all over the world. How are folks ever going to have those negative stereotypes challenged and corrected if we're afraid to go to [fill in your country of choice] because "those folks are racists as hell."

Too often I think we confuse "racism" with ignorance. Yes, some folks are just straight up racists because, well they're morons. But a lot of folks are racists because they're ignorant, because they don't know any better, because they've never been exposed to anything but the stereotypes.

That's part of the reason I love seeing my fellow brown folks travel to parts unknown. It's a great opportunity to learn something new: a new language, a new culture, a new way of doing things. But it's also a great way to challenge stereotypes. So go forth, travel and fight ignorance one passport stamp at a time.

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-04-30T00:01:00.001+02:00

Since I’m going on to Normandy tomorrow (I love three day weekends), I thought I’d post up the Hot Man Candy a wee bit early. One of my readers, boy_louie, suggested this week’s pick: singer Terry He! I kinda feel a little like a pedo ogling this kid...he’s only 18! But hot damn he’s hella cute. And he can sing. And as we all know, that combo pretty much automatically elevates you to Hot Man Candy status in my book. Is it bad that I was thinking about how gorgeous our Blasian babies would be as I was watching this video? Just me? Alrighty then...

An Open Letter to Birthers

2011-04-28T23:05:00.000+02:00

Dear Birthers,

So I hear President Obama did what you wanted: released his long form birth certificate...you know after releasing the short form of the said birth certificate a few years ago. So yay, dear Birthers, you got what you want.

Except you didn’t. ‘Cause what a lot of y’all want is for Obama not to be president, for what ever reason. Some of y’all (*cough*Donald Trump*cough*) may want his job and use the Birther excuse to go after it. Some of y’all just listen to waaaay too much Fox News. And some of y’all just straight up don’t like the fact that our President is black.

For that first group: I can’t even hate your hustle. Politics is dirty. Always has been, always will be. I wish it weren’t...but then it wouldn’t be called politics. So you jump on anything that you think will get you elected. Whatever. I can ridicule you for it, but I can’t hate on you for it.

For those of you in the second group: for the love of sanity (both yours and mine), stop watching Fox News. Or at least significantly cut down on it and mix it up with some other news sources. And I say this as someone who does, in fact, watch Fox News on a fairly consistent basis.

Now, for the third group: just admit you don't like the President because he’s black. The only way you’d get off the President’s ass is if he woke up white tomorrow. Yeah I said it.

Don’t hide behind all this “he’s not a natural born citizen” bullsh*t. For one thing “natural born citizen” isn’t actually defined in the Constitution, so that was always pretty shaky legal ground to stand on anyway. And that whole thing about his dad being Kenyan? Yeah, his mom was American, meaning he’s American regardless. But I digress.

Dear Birthhers in that third group, I'd have more respect for you if you just up and said “I don’t like President Obama because he’s black.” Fair enough. We’re all entitled to our opinions and feelings. Of course I'd think you're an ignorant f*ck if you said that. But I already knew you were an ignorant f*ck. So, again: whatever.

Anyway, my dear Birthers, have fun now that your raison d’être is leakier than Glenn Beck's eyes when he spots a camera and a crowd of...well you guys. And good luck with that Presidential campaign Donald Trump. For the sake of my smart mouth and b*tch gene I do hope you run. You and Sarah Palin. Oh what fun 2012 will be!

Toodles,
American Black Chick in Europe

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-04-26T22:18:00.000+02:00

Oops...with the long holiday weekend (ok for me...thank you Belgium for the concept of Good Friday AND Easter Monday off), I forgot to post the Hot Man Candy of the week....a situation I shall thus rectify.

This week's pick comes courtesy of my friend L: American football player Darren Sharper! As usual, no questions needed as to why he's this week's Hot Man Candy. I mean look at him...and look it his dimples. I've ALWAYS been a sucker for dimples. Thanks for the suggestion L!

Random Musings: Being Healthy Ain't Cheap

2011-04-22T00:07:00.001+02:00

Since moving to the land of frites, chocolate and waffles, I've been partaking of the national dishes of the Belgians. And hot damn are said dishes good. I sometimes (OK often) bitch and moan about Belgium but the food is definitely on point.

Unfortunately, all of my favorite Belgian dishes are quite unhealthy. Delish, but unhealthy. The fact that in my old neighborhood, there was a waffle joint a 7 minute walk from my door (yeah the lady there knew me by sight and started fixing my waffle before I even ordered), one of the best friteries in Bruxelles a 15 minute walk away AND a Turkish petit resto that served, I sh*t you not, the BEST feta pita ever, certainly didn't help me stay on the straight and narrow healthy eating path. Did I mention that feta pita was the best EVER?

Anyhoo, when I moved from a house that I shared with 3-4 other people to a studio in what is the Brussels equivalent of East Bumf*ckville (but wonderfully convenient to work) I swore that I'd improve my eating. More fresh fruit and veg, more cooking my own meals. And thanks to my sweet, sweet equipped kitchen complete with a stove AND an oven (trust me, for my price range that's a luxury here) plus a cookbook full of healthy recipes I brought back from the US, it's now a lot easier to eat healthy.

But here's something I didn't count on: eating healthy is expensive. Seriously. My wallet cries when I go grocery shopping. When I was eating crap, I spent about 15 Euros a week on average for my groceries, which was pretty good on an intern stipend. Now that I'm eating more fruits and veg, making my own granola (surprisingly easy) and experimenting with new foods (bulgur and quinoa are fab!), my food bill has at least doubled. D-O-U-B-L-E-D.

There's no way I could spend 30-40 Euros a week on food if I was still an intern...'cause well...interns are, by definition, poor as hell. And I'm not much of a meat eater (which is hella expensive here compared to the US), so if you're a super carnivore then your wallet really feels the pinch.

I often read that poverty and unhealthy eating are linked. I can definitely see it. If you're at the grocery store and you're barely holding your head above water financially, you're going to go for the cheapest stuff that's available...which is all of the pre-packaged food filled with sugar, preservatives, fillers and often lacking in any real nutritional value.

Both of my parents grew up in poor families. So I remember them telling me stories about you eat what's available, what you can afford. And unfortunately, what's often affordable if you don't have much money isn't the healthiest food. The healthiest food is often affordable only to the middle/upper middle/upper class 'cause, unfortunately, being healthy ain't cheap.

Guest Post on Travelling Womanists!

2011-04-20T23:43:00.000+02:00

This isn't a new post, just a quick note to let y'all know I have a guest post, Christmas in Berlin, up on The Chronicles of Travelling Womanists. The writing style is more narrative than what I normally do, so check it out and let me know what you think!

Random Musings on Beauty, Love and Interracial Relationships

2011-04-20T07:51:00.002+02:00

Sunday evening my friend L and I were discussing previous Hot Man Candy pick Lasse Larsen. After joking around about what we would each do to him if we ever got the chance (although reprintable, none of what we said was clean), we moved on to other topics.

After our conversation ended however, I started thinking about beauty and the emphasis on it as far as relationships are concerned, for both men and women....but especially when it comes to interracial relationships.

I’m thinking specifically of some fellow black women I know who pretty much exclusively date black guys. I tend to take a “do you” approach to life, so it’s all good with me. But a few of these same women, when I point out guys that I’m attracted to inevitable reply with “Well damn, if you’re going to go for a [fill-in-your-non-black-male-of-choice-here] he should at least be fine!”

Although in all fairness, when I point out cute black guys, I also get a hella side eye from friends and frenemies alike. My friends now have a simple ranking system for hotness: “actually cute” or “ABCiE cute.”

OK, granted my taste may not be everyone’s cup of tea. But I also tend to place a lot more emphasis on good person/good personality versus being as super hot as Lasse...and sweet baby Jesus he is fine. If I ever met a guy who was that beautiful, had a great personality and no girlfriend, I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions. But I digress.

Just because I date interracially, do my standards of fine-ness (pretend that’s a word) need to change? Why should they? I look for the same thing in non-black men that I look for in black men: good personality, a good heart, the ability to make me laugh and über smarts. And of course a passion for travel and different types of food.

I do agree that people in relationships should have some attraction towards each other. But I think attraction isn’t just about the physical...too many of us (not just those of us in interracial relationships or interested in interracial dating) make that mistake.

I think people tend to place way too much emphasis on the package and not enough on the content. It’s like getting a beautiful decorated chocolate Easter egg...that turns out to be hollow on the inside. All packaging, no substance. Yeah it’s fun for a little while, but what happens when you get to the heart of it? There’s nothing there, nothing to sustain a relationship or your interest.

I suppose this kind of goes hand in hand with my belief that people confuse lust for love...which is also why I don’t believe in love at first sight. How can you love someone you don’t even know? They can be fine as hell and worth a giant pile of dog sh*t with a personality to match.

Like I’ve said before in my non-blog world: looks fade but being an asshole is forever.

Git It! Royal Wedding Edition

2011-04-18T00:53:00.000+02:00

Oh. My. Goodness. I'mma need this to actually happen at the royal wedding. Seriously. This would make my year!

Git it Prince Harry! Or as I like to call him: Git it Your Royal Hotness!

Nerd Wallet Shout Out!

2011-04-17T22:49:00.002+02:00

I love seeing folks I went to high school with do their thing. And two of my high school classmates are doing something pretty cool: NerdWallet! I'll let the guys describe it:

We like to think of ourselves as the first ".org" credit card search site, meaning that we offer a service unparalleled in the industry, at the expense of fat profit margins. Where other sites offer only a small, hand-picked selection of big bank credit cards, we scour the card universe to bring you any and every card we can find, along with up-to-date rewards information, and our own unbiased take on what various rewards programs are actually worth. With a selection like this, and a dead-simple set of search tools, we have no doubt you'll be able to find the card that saves you the most money.

Check out their site http://www.nerdwallet.com for more info. And if you like what you see, let them know by voting for NerdWallet to win a Webby!

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-04-17T22:37:00.000+02:00

I <3 me some Jesse L. Martin. Best known for originating the role of Tom Collins in Rent (one of my favorite plays) and Detective Ed Green on Law and Order (one of my favorite TV shows), I've had plenty of time to catch Jesse on screen. He's a wonderful actor...and for anyone who's seen him in Rent, his singing and dancing abilities make me fall in lust with him that much more. What can I say? I <3 hotness.

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-04-02T23:36:00.002+02:00

This week's Hot Man Candy comes courtesy of What Chilli Wants. I've never seen the show, with the exception of the brief clip below that a friend sent me. And that alone was the basis for choosing this week's pick: Lasse Larsen! Why you ask? Skip to around the 6 minute mark:

Any further questions? Didn't think so.

Random Musings: Who Should Pay on a First Date?

2011-03-31T22:15:00.003+02:00

After reading this article about who should pay on the first date, it got me thinking about male-female dynamics. I posted up on Facebook and Twitter that I come prepared to pay my way and normally offer when the bill comes around. But the guy I’m on a date with does get bonus points if he pays.

Every guy I’ve been out with so far has refused my offer and insisted on paying for the entire meal. Granted it’s not like I’m ordering the most expensive 5 course meal on the menu, but he still gets a subconscious tick mark in the "pro" column.

Several of my friends chimed in, with the girls overwhelming saying that if it’s a date, the guy should pay...at least for the first date. For a couple folks, this was completely nonnegotiable. If the guy doesn't pay on the first date, that's a no go. There definitely won't be a second one. A male friend of mine supported the ladies' argument when he wrote that if a guy doesn't offer to pay, he might not be tight with his money. He just might not think you’re worth the money.

And to sort of jump to the other side re: paying, Kushgirl_56 pointed out that many guys expect something in return for paying...which unfortunately is quite true. But she also wrote that in some cultures the guys are ingrained with the attitude of paying for the date without the expectation that they'll receive anything later. Throw in the fact that some women get insulted if a guy offers to pay (as my male friend pointed out), even if he doesn't have any ulterior motives, and the whole "who should pay" debate gets more complicated.

I’m old-fashioned in some respect (see my previous post on chivalry). And I think this falls under that category. So yeah, I expect the guy to hold the door open for me, to walk on the outside of the sidewalk and to pay the bill. I mean, hell, even my brother pays for his dates and his ass is cheap. It would be easier getting water out of a rock then getting money out of my brother. But he still pays on dates.

What do y’all think? Should the guy pay on the first date? And for you ladies who have been out with guys who pay for the whole meal AND guys who insist on going Dutch or splitting the bil, do you tend to think of the latter group differently?

Random Musings on Chivalry

2011-03-29T23:59:00.000+02:00

This post started as a result of seeing several men sitting while women (some of them quite elderly) and children stood while waiting for a tram at Rogier station here in Brussels. Because the tram, bus and metro drivers were on strike (again) it was a fairly long wait.

I’ve seen this happen many, many times before. In fact I’ve seen men and women who visibly have trouble standing for long periods of time (and in some case have to rely on canes or walkers) standing on the public transport in Brussels because no one offers them their seat. It irritates me when I see anyone do this, but for some reason it especially bugs me when I see young men sitting.

But why should it? We had the sexual revolution and fought for equal rights for women. I often joke about having feminist* tendencies...which is true. I do think that I should be paid the same amount of money for performing the same job. I don’t think limits should be placed on my career because of the assumption that what I want to do is “man’s work.” I don’t want folks to assume I’m less capable, less intelligent or less valuable simply because I don’t have a penis.

I also grew up in a household where my father told me I could be anything I wanted. Regardless of what future profession I chose as a child (and it changed from week to week), my father encouraged me. Baseball player? Sure! President? Of course! Police officer? Why not!

The only time my father ever told me I couldn’t do something because I was a girl was when I told him I wanted to be a batboy for the Atlanta Braves. Yeah, I didn’t realise that the job involved going into the locker room and my understanding of male-female anatomical differences was kinda fuzzy at the age. Hell, I didn’t even realise that athletes walk around the locker room buck naked until working on an assignment that involved interviewing some players from the Atlanta Thrasher (my hometown hockey team) for an internship while an undergrad. Nakie (buff as hell) hockey players galore! Sorry, where was I?

Oh right! So yeah, I grew up in a fairly progressive household...but in some ways a traditional one as well. My dad ALWAYS opens the door for my mom and allowed her to go in first. Now that I’m older (as are my parents), I normally try to hold the door open for them and allow them to enter any establishment first, as a sign of respect...but to this day, my father still insist on letting me go before him. Why? Because, as my father so often points out, I’m a lady and he’s a gentleman.

My father was the one who taught me that when walking on the sidewalk, a man should always walk on the outside and why. My parents also taught my brother and I to stand up and offer our seats to anyone older than us, to pregnant women, to women with children, to little kids and, in my brother’s case, to women in general, regardless of their age. But I regularly see men sitting while women/the elderly/pregnant women stand, so my experience in Brussels is still a bit odd for me.

Because of my upbringing, my automatic response is to offer my seat. I remember getting up on the Tube once in London to offer my seat to a woman who was heavily pregnant. As I gestured for her to take my seat, a young guy nearby sat down. Every time I offer my seat to someone here in Brussels (and when I used to do it in London), I'm often met with a look of surprise, shock and bewilderment...often followed by a smile and a thank you. Even for the people who refuse to take the seat, you can still see the gratitude on their face.

But for me, offering my seat is the norm. And I expect young men to do the same. Even if I refuse the offer, I still expect it to be made. However, that doesn’t really seem to be the norm in either London or Brussels. Which makes me wonder: is it a European thing?

Also, keep in mind, I’m from the South. We Southerners are known for our Southern hospitality, kindness and politeness (among other things). Hell we’re so polite, we even have a way of insulting folks that doesn’t sound like an insult. So this makes me wonder: is this the whole vacating-your-seat-for-women-and-the-elderly thing a default setting in the South only?

So what do y’all think: Is chivalry dead? Or did it never really exist? Perhaps offering one's seat or opening the door was part of the sexism that was rampant back in the day, when women were assumed to be the weaker of the sexes? Perhaps chivalry is a relic of a bygone era? Thoughts?

*Just a random side note - I don't want this post nor the comments to turn into a feminism bashing fest, especially since a lot of folks who claim to be anti-feminism/anti-feminists don't actually know what feminism is.

Top 10 European Cities to Visit

2011-03-28T23:13:00.000+02:00

An Anonymous reader asked me to cover my favourite places to visit in Europe in the comments section of my Dear Belgium post. Since I've been here for a hot minute and seen a fair bit of this crazy continent, that's a hella long list. So instead, I thought I'd focus on my top 10 favorite places I've visited in Europe on my random travels. So without further ado (and in no particular order):

London, England - I told myself I wouldn't put down cities I've lived in as they have an unfair advantage. But I just couldn't help myself...I had to include my favorite European city of all! In all fairness, I visited London before I lived there, so I think it's also a great city from a tourist perspective. Yes, the weather sucks in the winter. Yes the Brits like to lie to themselves and pretend like summer exist in that country. Yes, the food can (at times) be god awful. But dammit it's London! Despite the crap weather, there are the occasional beautiful days when the sun shines through nice and bright...and that's when you realise how stunning London truly is. Despite the questionable cuisine (treacle tarts anyone?) there are some fabulous diamonds in the rough that is British food (bangers and mash, an English fry up and a proper afternoon tea are fab). And despite the fact that everyone uses this quote by Samuel Johnson, I'm using it anyway: When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.

Paris, France - What more can I say about Paris than it's freakin' Paris?! Beautiful city, art and fashion oozing out of its oh-so-chic pores, fantastic food, and hot French accents. What more could a girl want? Well money to enjoy it all...Paris ain't cheap!

Berlin, Germany - Yes, it's one of the poorer cities in Germany. No, it's not beautiful in that Old Europe way thanks largely to it getting the hell bombed out of it during the Second World War. And yes, it's still well worth a visit. Even aside from the insane amount of history in Berlin (yeah I'm a nerd), this city just has it's own special vibe that's hard to pinpoint. Awesome city with some really cool folks.

Barcelona, Spain - I know everyone and their mother says this, but there are certain things in Barcelona that must be done...like a rambling walk down Las Ramblas. I originally went to Barcelona because it was cheaper to fly to than Madrid. So it was my second choice city, if you will. But what a second choice! La Sagrada Familia, Antoni Gaudi's still unfinished masterpiece of a church (and Gaudi's influence everywhere) + Barri Gotic + the Picasso Museum = totally worth a trip. To this day, I'm so glad I went to Barcelona...so much so that I would love to go back a second time, despite the fact that I still haven't hit Madrid.

Istanbul, Turkey - regardless of what some EU member countries may say, I'm counting Turkey as part of Europe. Much like Rome, Istanbul drips with history. My favorites include the Basilica Cistern, the Blue Mosque, Haghia Sophia, Topkapi Palace and a ride on the Bosphorus.

Stockholm, Sweden - I've been on a blond kick of late (I'm blaming you Kushgirl_56), so that might have slightly influenced why I picked Stockholm. But it's not the only reason. It's a beautiful city and well worth the trip for the Vasa Museum alone. And did I mention the hot blond Swedes? But be warned: like much of Scandinavia, it's hella expensive.

Budapest, Hungary - I actually had a hard time choosing between Prague and Budapest. So I thought I'd solve that problem by ever-so-subtly mentioning Prague in this section on Budapest. Anyhoo, Budapest is a beautiful city, not too big, not too small and with a seaside Parliament reminiscent of the one in London. Throw in a stroll along the Danube and a wander around Fisherman's Bastion (fuelled by generous helpings of Hungarian goulash) and you've got the beginning of a great trip.

Iceland - Yes, I know this is a country, not a city. The reason I put down the entire country of Iceland is because, quite frankly, there's not much to do in the capital of Reykjavik. The appeal of Iceland isn't in the cities...it's in nature. Use Reykjavik as your base to explore. Go whale watching in the North Atlantic (but dress warmly because it's f*cking cold. You know the coldest you've ever been in your life? Multiply that by 10). Take a dip in the Blue Lagoon. Walk around the edge of a volcano. Stand on 2 continents at once. Check out the beauty of the Aura Borealis. Tour a glacier on a snowmobile. Hell, I'm thinking of going back to Iceland for the last two alone.

Dubrovnik, Croatia - One word to describe the Dalmatian coast: stunning. In all my travels, I've have yet to see water as clear as the water off the coast of Dubrovnik. And the winding maze that is the old town can literally keep you occupied (and lost) for hours.

Rome, Italy - I know, I know. Everyone goes to Rome, as shown by the tourist horde. But the city is literally dripping with history...dripping with it! My first day in Rome I arrived a bit late and decided to have a wander just to get my bearings...and damn near ran into the Colosseum...which happens to be across the street from the ruins of the Old Roman Forum. If you're an art lover, check out the Vatican Museum...and of course St. Peter's Basilica while you're there. To this day, the Piazza della Repubblica remains the most beautiful traffic circle I've seen in my life. And need I mention the food? And hot Italian men? Didn't think so.

Honourable Mention: Toulouse, France - I know, I know. I did live here, which is why I gave Toulouse honourable mention instead of putting it on the the list above. Honestly, there's not much to do in Toulouse from a tourist perspective. But the city centre is beautiful (it's nicknamed La Ville Rose because of the prominent use of red bricks in the architecture), the food is amazing and the folks are super nice (and easier to understand than Parisians). It's also one hell of a rugby town. I followed English rugby before moving to Toulouse, but became a full on fan after attending rugby matches in this rugby mad town, When it comes to rugby, I now bleed red and black (Allez Stade Toulousain!) ...sorry England. I'll still support y'all during the World Cup...unless my beloved Team America is playing of course.

Now it's your turn! Anyone else have a top 10 cities to visit in Europe? Or completely disagree with my list? Go on, have a go!

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-03-27T19:08:00.000+02:00

I know I've been out of commission the last month or so. It wasn't because I had nothing to write...it's because I still don't have internet in my new place (damn you and your 6 week wait to hell Mobistar). So I've ghetto rigged my mobile to serve as a modem...expensive as hell with all the phone credit I keep having to buy, but worth the sanity of having at least rudimentary access to the internet at home.

To make up for my blogging absence I present the latest Hot Man Candy of the Week: Neil Patrick Harris. Yes, I know he's gay (as shown by the fact that I picked a photo from the cover of Out magazine). And no I don't give a damn. I mean look at him! Enjoy!

Dear Belgium...

2011-03-26T21:07:00.001+01:00

Dear Belgium,
I feel like I’ve been here just long enough where I can point out to you that pedestrians have the right of way in this land of frites, chocolate and waffles. So the correct response, dear Belgian drivers, when you see a pedestrian in the crosswalk isn’t to speed up and honk angrily when they don’t get out of your way fast enough. The correct response is to use your brakes to slow down and stop if need be. What’s that you ask? What’s the brake? It’s that pedal just to the left of the one you use to make the car go really fast. You know, that pedal that you thought was there for decoration. The one NO ONE in Belgium seems to use. Yeah that one. Use it. For the love of me not becoming a f*ckin’ hood ornament, use the damn thing.

Thanks,
American Black Chick in Europe

Still Around!

2011-03-09T13:36:00.000+01:00

Hi y'all! Just a quick note to let everyone know I'm still around. I don't have internet at my new place (I moved when I came back to Brussels) so updates may be slow/intermittent.

Oh and I'm staying in Brussels a few more months. My internship turned into a temp job. A plus tard!

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-02-28T05:37:00.000+01:00

I know, I know it's been awhile since I last updated. I have my excuses (looking for a new place, packing, finishing up my internship, learning the ins and outs of what will be my new job etc.), but instead of dwelling on that, how about we get to the good stuff: the Hot Man Candy of the Week! It's OK, I know that's the only reason most of y'all visit the blog.

This week's pick is actually from my hometown of Atlanta: singer/songwriter/awesome guitar player/all around hottie Ben Deignan. Have I mentioned that I have a thing for guys with dark hair? And guys who can sing? And, um, guys who are hot?

I'm in Atlanta visiting my family this week, so I went with my cousin virgindoll to catch an acoustic set Ben did on Friday and was lucky enough to chat with him for a minute (totally my cousin's doing as she was interviewing him). Not gonna lie: he's just as awesome a singer and hella cute in person:

Check out his website (where I got the photo above) and his YouTube channel for more music.

Too Black or Not Black Enough

2011-02-20T21:03:00.000+01:00

This post actually came out of a conversation I had with my friend M. We’ve known each other since elementary school, so we often tease each other about things that would seem inappropriate to other folks. On this occasion, M was teasing me about what he calls my “white girl hair.” My hair is quite curly, but it’s not as curly as his and when it’s straight (and subjected to the brutal Atlanta summer sun) it turns an, um, interesting shade of red-brown (I jokingly call it Sideshow Bob-esque). After the back and forth teasing, M pointed out that within the black community you just can’t win: you’re either “too black” (for example, as far as features and skin are concerned) or “not black enough” (again, also in terms of features/skin, but also regarding background/behaviour).

I very distinctly remember going to a mostly black elementary school and being teased for “acting like a white girl” by some classmates. Because I used proper English (a requirement in my parents’ household and strictly enforced), read (a ton) and did well in school I was “trying to be white.” In other words, although I was black as far as my race was concerned, I wasn’t “really black"...despite feeling plenty black when a store clerk followed me around a gas station and kicked me out before I could buy the soda my dad sent my brother and I in to purchase while he filled up the car when I was a kid.

This whole “too black but not black enough” thing seems to be a constant issue within the black community. Soledad O’Brien has previously self-identified as a black, as have President Obama, Halle Berry and Zoe Saldana...and yet I’ve heard them being referred to as “not really black” by others black folks, both in the media, on other blogs and in my everyday life.

If they’re not “really black,” then what is it that makes them not “really black”? Is it their mixed heritage? ‘Cause if we went purely based on that, a good chunk of black America wouldn’t “really be black.” Is it their behaviour, their education, their socio-econmoic status, the way they speak? If so, what does that say about black America if we identify the opposite of that with "being black"?

On the one hand, I shouldn’t have to defend my blackness like a PhD thesis. Just because I grew up in a middle class, educated family with a mixture of races flowing through my veins and I happen to speak grammatically correct English doesn’t make me any less black. On the other hand, what is it to "be black?" I don't even think we black people know the answer to that. Despite that, it doesn't keep us from using the "too black but not black enough" line to keep fellow black folks in a very constrained box labelled "blackness."

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-02-19T18:39:00.000+01:00

Wow...I had like four suggestions for this week's Hot Man Candy! Who to choose? Thanks to the fab suggestion by Udara, this week's pick is English actor Bradley James! I do have a special place in my heart for the English and Bradley's portrayal of Prince Arthur in Merlin is about as English as it gets. So for the ladies who love the blondies (I'm looking at you kushgirl_56), enjoy! And now if you'll excuse me it's about time I caught up on my old English literature...

Um...So Those Hate Filled, Illogical Rants?

2011-02-13T21:08:00.003+01:00

....I'mma need that sh*t to stop. Seriously, the last thing I want to wake up to on a rare sunny Sunday morning in Brussels is this lovely little gem which landed in my inbox:

*Anderson Cooper is nothing but liberal scum. Sorry ass Anderson Cooper got his ass handed to him by Renee Ellmers:

Anderson Cooper is an asshole. Since you love Anderson Cooper that ctells me everything about your pathetic ass. Anderson Cooper is a muslim ass kissing piece of shit. Anything Anderson Cooper says is bullshit.

Obama is a damn muslim and he needs to be impeached and then trail for treasons. Obama is anti-American.

Europe is a bullshit continent. Europe definitely does not have a monopoly of interesting history. European history culture, history and architecture is bullshit. Europeans are less civilized than everyone thinks. Europeans pretend they are civilised with opera and big words, and they dont have much to brag about.Having a bathroom in your house has not been around that long in england for ex - in past days they used to throw all the muck out into the streets from their upstairs windows. ugh. not that long ago. and that is civilised??????

Europeans are just as fucked up as muslims. Europe is becoming more and more islamic all the time. Europe deserves to be turned into an Islamic Caliphate.

Peace Corps and Americorps are bullshit organizations.

Travel in general is not for everyone dipshit.
American Black Chick in Europe is nothing but a 2 dollar whore. ABCIE is similar to that asshole Michael Moore.

This email will be deactivated, so don't bother to reply.

GO FUCK YOURSELF

Following my "put on blast or delete" policy, I think I'mma have to go with put on blast...'cause I have a hard time ignore something this illogical and hate filled in real life, so why should I in the blog world?

Plus my bitch gene is just aching to have a go at this one. My oh my, where do I begin? *cracking my neck and rolling up my sleeves*

First, good sir/madame who wrote me this e-mail, you are a dumbass. Seriously. Dumbass with a capital D. Your arguments make no sense and you don't even support them. Like the one about Obama. One, I'mma need you to define treason 'cause I'm pretty sure you don't even know what that word means. Two, impeachment is the bringing of charges, not the actual act of removal from office. That's how President Clinton managed to serve out two full terms as President despite being impeached. If you'd paid attention in US History/Government/Civics class, you'd know that. Three, I'mma need you to look up the word impeachment and read up on what the President can be impeached for, 'cause I damn sure know you don't know. I'll give you a hint: being Muslim does NOT equal impeachable offence.

All of this is a moot point anyway since Obama has already repeatedly said he's Christian, but one I thought might be good to point out in case our next President (after Obama wins his second term of course) happens to be Muslim. The floodgates are wide open. God willing, the next President will be a Muslim lesbian Hispanic, which I'm pretty sure would cause that tiny brain of yours to explode. Holla for American diversity! And sweetheart, we really need to talk about the correct way to support an argument with little things like actual, valid references. And no, YouTube does not count as a valid reference tool.

Second, as my friend kushgirl_56 suggested, you have waaaaay too much time on your hands. Perhaps you should look into taking up a couple of hobbies? Volunteering with a Muslim youth organisation or some sort of European cultural organisations or helping out with one of the literally thousands of AmeriCorps volunteer projects that go down in America to address your ignorant views perhaps?

Third, sweetheart, I'm not a two dollar whore. In fact, I'm not a whore at all. But if I were a whore, I'd damn skippy be a two million dollar whore, a high class hooker if you will....and I would definitely have more class than you.

And finally, this just goes to show you how important it is to get a good education and interact with people outside your limited world view. I'm guessing you don't know any Muslims, Europeans, AmeriCorps participants or Peace Corps volunteers. Education is more than just what you read in textbooks (or in your case, what you watch on YouTube). It's also the people you meet and interact with in life. You don't have to agree with everyone else, but you damn sure need to learn some couth. Don't know what it is? Doesn't surprise me as you have exhibited none.

That is all. Troll be gone.

*ABCiE Editor's Note: Links sent to me in the e-mail were removed by moi 'cause I ain't trying to support ignorance.

Guest Post on BB&W!

2011-02-08T10:52:00.000+01:00

I wrote a guest post for Beyond Black and White, which is up today. For my regular readers: please check it out and give your two cents: Guest of the Inner Sanctum-American Black Chick in Europe.

And for new folks who came over here to check out my blog based on the guest post: Welcome! Please feel free to leave comments/feedback. Even if it is only on the Hot Man Candy posts.

Travelling: An Education In Itself

2011-02-08T10:35:00.001+01:00

This post is actually inspired by an older post over at I’m Black and I Travel that argues the importance of travelling from an educational perspective.

When I started as young undergraduate at the University of Georgia, I set certain goals for myself. In addition to actually finishing school in 4 years or less (3.5 years baby!), I also wanted to study abroad at least once. After I checked out the study abroad programs, I was quite dismayed to find out how expensive they were. My family isn’t exactly rolling in money.

We’re not like those old money black folks in Atlanta. Both of my parents grew up in working class/poor families in rural areas, moved to Atlanta when they were young and built up a nice, solid middle class foundation on which to raise their kids. So while I always had a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food in my belly and the yearly domestic trip, travelling overseas wasn’t something we could really afford.

But because I’m sort of ~~obstinate~~ determined like that, I still wanted to go abroad. So I researched, researched and researched some more. I went to my school’s study abroad library (which was actually just a single room with a ton of study abroad brochures and books) and leafed through the information. I settled on one region (Europe) and from there I focused on one country (England, largely due to lack of confidence in my German and Spanish abilities).

Once I settled on England, I started researching programmes that would work with my degree, ensuring that classes I needed to graduate on time were offered so I wouldn’t have to spend an extra semester at UGA. Then I looked at the cost of the programmes and researched how to fund them. Turns out all those scholarships I was getting as an undergrad could be applied towards the cost of my study abroad programme. I figured out how much I would come up short and worked three summers in a row (two of them while doing unpaid fulltime internships) to fund my hoped for adventures.

I started doing all of this research and planning the first semester of my freshman year. Three years later, all that research and hard work (did I mention I worked summers while doing a full time unpaid internship? Yeah 7 day work week!) allowed me to achieve what I’d been dreaming about since high school: study abroad and at Oxford University no less!

If I could use one word to describe the experience: awesome. I got to briefly experience another culture, another way of life. Reading about Jack the Ripper is one thing. Walking the same streets as Jack the Ripper on a foggy, cold Halloween night in London is a completely different, slightly surreal experience…and experience that really brought home for me the story itself.

And of course after I left the country once, the wanderlust bug took a big bite out of my ass and never let go. More than seven years after I left the country for the first time, I’m still out of the country. Granted, I’ve had periods of time in the US in between, but I must admit the wanderlust is deep in my blood now. But not just for the sake of travelling, for the sake of ticking of another country on my checklist. I travel to explore, to learn, to educate myself.

I’ve said this before: it’s one thing to read about an event in history or a monument. It’s another to experience it, to see it, to touch it. That is the education in and of itself. I’ve been quite lucky that I’ve had the opportunity to do quite a bit of international travel and I highly encourage other folks, especially black folks, to do the same. Go forth eat your favourite [insert foreign food here] while in its country of origin. Go forth and experience those history lessons first hand. Go forth and challenge some of those negative stereotypes that persist about black folks in some countries, in part because we’re not around to dispel those myths.

In other words, get the best education you can: travel.

Random Musings of Random Ramblings

2011-02-07T20:18:00.002+01:00

As I look back over my blog entries for the last month, I’m just now realizing it’s been a good 3 weeks since I last put up something original that I wrote, with the exception of the Hot Man Candy posts (no way I’m letting my excuse to Google stalk hot celebrities fall by the wayside). Shout out and thanks to my friends kushgirl and virgin doll for beaucoup amounts of writing/guest posting to fill the gap.

So now I’m back and in fine writing form! What’s that you say? You were cool with post after post of Hot Man Candy? Tough, you’ll just have to get through my random ramblings to get to the next hottie. Sorry!

As I chill out here in Brussels (and face the possibility of staying longer than my originally intended 6 months), I’ve been thinking about how incredibly blessed/lucky (depending on your view or lack thereof regarding religion) I’ve been. Has life been perfect? By no means. But right now I get to eat all the waffles and fries I want at pretty damn good prices! And yes, I’mma definitely have to increase the frequency of my running/gym visits with spring just around the corner (*knock on wood*). I can’t really use the excuse that I’m building up fat to keep me warm through the winter anymore.

But, as per usual, I digress. I (often) bitch and moan about Brussels, but really life ain’t so bad. I get to do an internship (and possibly) a job that I really like and thus far I’ve learned tons from. I get to not just experience a new culture, but live it...even if aspects of that culture drive me batsh*t crazy sometimes (*cough*like the Belgians complete and utter inability to drive like sane people*cough*). And I’ve had that experience not once, not twice but three times!

As I sit here, staring up at the black Belgian sky, I think: damn this is pretty sweet. And I feel honoured that y’all actually take the time to read and occasionally comment on a blog that I was pretty sure held no interest to anyone other than a few friends from back home. Thanks gals and guys!

New Blog: culinaryme!

2011-02-07T12:51:00.000+01:00

Blog shout out alert! As a break from my own rambling writings about politics, interracial relationships and travelling, check out my friend Jo's fab new blog culinaryme! Check out her description below:

Like many in the Great Recession, I graduated college wanting to do good but failing to see how I could manage to support myself. I served as an AmeriCorps and toiled away in the non-profit world while others went to grad school, taught English, or travelled abroad. My experience has left me weary yet eager to take on an adventure of a different kind - culinary school! Come with me as I follow this non-career passion into a hopeful something.

And check out culinaryme!

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-02-06T20:10:00.000+01:00

There's been several post that I've been meaning to write...and haven't. Yeah, I know, I'm a bad blogger. Hopefully I'll get back into the blogging swing of things once (if) things calm down a bit at my internship. At any rate, I give you a pretty man to stare at as I work on some new stuff: Justin Chatwin from the US version of the show Shameless! My good friend E suggested him and I must say, good choice on her part! As always, any suggestions for the Hot Man Candy of the Week or topics you'd like to see covered, send them my way!

Wienerschnitzels and Germans and Bier! Oh My! Part 3

2011-01-28T13:20:00.001+01:00

And here's Part Three in the German Adventures, written by my friend and aspiring author, kushgirl:

Our next stop was Neuremberg. We met up with a friend of ABCiE. We spent the day there, frolicked in the Christmas fair. We were charmed by the colors, and rejuvenated by the brisk winter air. We bought ginger candy, and dried mango. I feasted on some curly, spiced, fries it was kind of addictive and I was sure there was crack cocaine sprinkled in the seasoning.

I fell in love and purchased a beautiful wood nymph/sprite. ABCiE and Kajol thought he looked more like a gargoyle, but then there’s no accounting for taste.*

Later we visited a castle and made a wish. It was straight out of winter wonderland, and I totally wanted to visit the Ice Queen.

We asked ABCiE’s friend, by we, I mean Kajol and I, about the night scene in Stuttgart, and about guys in general. Turns out said friend had just turned 20, and I kind of felt like a pedophile. Her answer wasn’t very encouraging, something about “Stuttgart being only good for shopping, not much else.”

At that point I wanted to curse ABCiE out. After all she’d made up the itinerary, and she knew how I suffered, suffered I tell you, in a small town in North Carolina. After all I complained to her bitterly about the lack of single, available men, and here she was taking us to places for shopping, when I wanted to hunt males. I looked at Kajol and I could see she was thinking the same thing.

Seriously Kajol and I had once been mighty huntresses that feasted on golden antelope until we moved to small town North Carolina. Now we were forced to eat grass…ok maybe were weren’t really mighty huntresses, maybe more like hyenas, you know the hunting has already been done for them and what not. For the most part we were kind of sexually autistic more like prepubescent girls than women in their late 20s, but we were trying, and ABCiE was getting in the way of our development.

On the train to the hated Stuttgart, I think we were all sullen and pouty. Sensing that the children were about to have an insurrection, an amused, and matronly ABCiE reassured us that Stuttgart was a university town, and where there are students, there are bars, clubs and prey. We believed her, and after all what would a child who just turned 20 really know about the “scene” in Stuttgart, right?

*Editor's note: That wood nymph/gargoyle was in fact quite ugly. The less ugly of the three available yes, but still designed to scare small children.

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-01-22T22:17:00.000+01:00

This week's Hot Man Candy of the Week comes courtesy of kushgirl's suggestion: Daniel Sunjata! A quick Google search (while looking for a photo for this post) reveals that Daniel plays a firefighter on Rescue Me...which means when I get home I'm having a nice, long Rescue Me marathon. Enjoy!

Why Blacks Don't Travel: The Sequel

2011-01-19T21:46:00.001+01:00

Fresh on the heels of my own post about the Top 5 Common Excuses (Black) Americans Make for Not Travelling, I bring you the sequel, written by my wonderful cousin Virgin Doll. And unlike most sequels, her's is just as good as the original. Instead of focusing on international travel like moi, she takes on reasons why black Americans don't travel within our own country and why we need to change that. Check it out below:

So Blacks don’t like to travel…overseas. And I will concur with this thought, because I don’t like the thought of traveling over a piece of Earth that is actually covered in water. The thought in fact frightens the hee-bee-gee-bee’s out of me!!!! I mean if my plane goes down, I’d rather die quickly….on land, than to land safely on water…in the middle of the Atlantic.

But this is just me. I have a fear of the ocean, not of actually travelling.

Really though, I have no problem with Cuzzo here calling me out on my B.S., but what I do have a problem with is the fact that so many Americans will risk life and limb to travel to faraway places like the Arab Emirates, Hong Kong, and Hiroshima, but won’t travel a couple of hours to expand their knowledge or the knowledge of fellow Americans of our differing cultures.

I know that what I just said may sound like gibberish, but follow me here. Blacks make up approximately 13% of the US population, and of that over 80% of us live, visit and work in large metropolitan areas -ie Chicago, New York, Atlanta, Miami, LA or along the East Coast–so much so that I have actually met individuals in my US travels, where I was the first….FIRST or second Black person they had the opportunity to meet in person.

Is it any wonder then, that we cannot get the votes necessary to change certain policies Statewide, let alone Nationwide? States like Iowa, Idaho, Montana and the Dakotas still have the right to vote, and still have representatives in Congress who know nothing about Blacks and our culture except what they have seen or heard about through the Media. And considering the Media generally consists of NOT us, then is it any wonder that we are still fighting tons of biases?

How can we yell and scream about whites and others not understanding us when they have never had the opportunity to meet us?

Besides we have too many who have no idea what “The Trail of Tears” is, let alone who took it, and where it ended. Travel across and through this Nation of ours can help that, and like Cuzzo said, can increase one’s awareness of our place in History.

But as always there are and can be draw backs. Most soundly in this case is money and racism.

I’ll deal with racism first. It has been my experience that racism is more rooted in ignorance and false precepts than anything else. While there may be many who knowingly spout denigrating ideas, there are still just as many who have no idea that holding and speaking different ideas maybe insulting and offensive to someone with Brown skin. Being open enough to explain it and then gracious enough to let it go, often times is all it takes to bring somebody over from the Dark Side. The other, we can only pray for, and not let it hurt us and they are hoping it will.

As for money…there are many ways to travel this great nation and to learn all about it without spending a nickel of our own money. From helping Red Cross, to joining the Armed Forces, there are many jobs that will send you for a set period of time to different areas all over the Country and pay you in the process for doing so:

*Americorps
*Teach Across America
*National Youth Leadership Conference
National Youth Leadership Forum (on Medicine, Law & CSI, National Security)
TrekAmerica

And unlike Cuzzo’s way of travelling, this can be done without a passport.

*ABCiE Editor's Note: I actually did AmeriCorps so if you have any questions about it send them my way. And my wonderful cousin Virgin Doll did the Youth Leadership stuff, so if you have any questions about it head on over to her blog and ask her some questions: http://virgindoll.blogspot.com/. And yes, we really are just that awesome of a family.

*The picture for this post is from: http://www.blackdemographics.com/index.html.

Martin Luther King Jr.

2011-01-17T23:52:00.000+01:00

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day back home in the US. The Civil Rights Movement in America was more than just Dr. King, but I do believe he does deserve special mention. Whatever his faults and mistakes, the man had some very valid points to make. A selection of my favourite MLK Jr. quotes, the ones that inspired me growing up, are below:

We must live together as brothers or perish together as fools.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

A man who won't die for something is not fit to live.

Men often hate each other because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they can not communicate; they can not communicate because they are separated.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

What are you favourite MLK quotes?

And if you’re in the US today, make today a Day On, Not a Day Off!

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-01-16T00:31:00.000+01:00

OK, so I must be honest: I've never seen anything Robert Pattinson has been in. Not Harry Potter (the books are always better) and not Twilight (sparkly vampires: I can't). So I'm basically putting him up as this week's Hot Man Candy thanks to the awesome suggestion of an Anonymous poster. And because he's pretty to look at. And because hot damn I love a sexy English accent. Yeah, sometimes I'm shallow like that. Enjoy!

Swirl Around the World!

2011-01-16T00:20:00.001+01:00

New blog alert! Fellow blogger Love has started a new blog called Swirl Around the World. An introduction to her blog below:

This blog will document my experiences with interracial relationships/friendships around the world. I have been lucky enough to land a job that includes frequent travel and I have also traveled extensively on my own. I started this blog because every time I would go home after one of my adventures, people would say, "You should have a blog!" Well, my mother thinks I should have a book, but that is another story. My girlfriends would listen to my stories with mild interest until the subject of men came up. Then, I couldn't say enough! I started thinking that other women might be interested in the adventures I have had, especially with men of different races/cultures. This blog is a culmination of my experiences. I hope to include interviews with other like minded women when, and if, the blog gets off the ground.

And as always, if you want your blog highlighted on here, drop me a quick e-mail with the name of your blog, the URL and an introduction.

Wienerschnitzels and Germans and Bier! Oh My! Part 2

2011-01-13T13:12:00.001+01:00

And here's part Two in the German Adventures, written by my friend and aspiring author, kushgirl:

The following evening we traipsed around the city of Munich, visiting a church, the Christmas fair, a toy museum, and finally a gothic style store, where we purchased curiosities and objects of fantasy. Afterwards we enjoyed Turkish kebabs and rice.

Returning to our hotel shortly after sunset, Kajol and I were determined to go out and find a happening type of place. Walking over to the kiosk, we asked the proprietor where the pubs/bars were located. Specifically we asked where the older crowd, 27+ hung out, he laughed and told us ‘you can’t be older than 21’ I laughed, flirted and ABCiE rolled her eyes, ha.

After a shower, and some minor primping in front of the mirror, we were ready to unleash our potent attraction on the hapless natives. Armed with the location of happening pubs we called our partner in crime Dietmar, but sadly he was unavailable, so we called another taxi cab.

Short cab ride later we arrived at a pub that seemed quite happening. I was suddenly struck by nerves, I mean this was Germany, I’d heard about xenophobia, and damn it, I wasn’t tipsy enough to not be socially awkward. I cursed myself for not drinking myself into tipsy, happy land prior. But I beat back the nerves, we paid the cab driver, and with a smile we walked into the pub.

Kajol spotted a gorgeous guy walking out, as we were walking in, I have to say I didn’t see him, I was focused on projecting confidence. But the first thing I did notice was that there were mostly guys, this I could do, and for the first time, I relaxed.

Within minutes of walking in we struck up a conversation with two guys. Honestly, I was taking one for the team, I wasn’t interested in either of the guys, but Kajol was fascinated by one of them. He was seemingly intelligent, well-traveled, and he knew which part of India her family was from, and even knew a couple Indian jokes. The guy I was talking to, seemed like an earnest fellow, but he looked a bit like a serial killer.

Nevertheless seeing how enraptured Kajol was, I acted the part of wing woman (afterwards she said I was a pitiful one, and was actually more like a cock-blocker, but that’s neither here nor there). I’d just recently started drinking alcohol, and well like a child with a new toy, I sometimes couldn’t control myself. And that night was one of those nights.

By the time we left that bar with the guys, I’d consumed several rum and cokes, some type of Italian beer, and I’d made rounds to the water closet. Also the ground was beginning to spin. I tried to drink as much water as possible, but the damage was already done.

After the bar we went to a late night, chips place. Apparently the fries were delicious, but I had no appetite, and was fighting to keep the contents of my stomach inside, at least until we reached our hotel.

The guys had work tomorrow, so we left them at around 4 am. We exchanged facebook information, and hugs. Kajol was a bit deflated she was hoping for something more, I kept saying ‘it doesn’t matter, this is our last night here.’

Looking back I’m a bit surprised at our sheer audacity. We didn’t speak German, we didn’t know any Germans, and we didn’t know anything about Munich, but here we were determined to make it to a pub and strike up conversations/flirtations.

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-01-09T18:57:00.003+01:00

So I've got this thing for guys who can sing. Seriously, show me a guy who can sing and I'll half fall in lust with him (add nice arms and I'll fall even more in lust with him). Which is why Matthew Morrison is this week's Hot Man Candy pick!

While I was home over the summer, I accidentally saw part of Glee...and by accidentally, I mean my mommy had the TV on Fox and refused to turn it or surrender the remote. I fixed that when she got up to go pee by hijacking the remote, changing the channel to MythBusters and then hiding said remote. But in that interim period, I caught a bit of Glee and Matthew Morrison singing, along with Neil Patrick Harris (a cutie in his own right and a probable future Hot Man Candy pick). Did I mention I <3 guys that can sing?

And a random side note about the Hot Man Candy picks: if you want to see someone represented up here, feel free to send me suggestions, either by commenting on Hot Man Candy posts or by e-mail.

5 Common Excuses (Black) Americans Make For Not Travelling

2011-01-08T21:30:00.002+01:00

From Beijing, China

It’s been awhile since I’ve done a post on travelling, partially because of laziness, partially due to lack of time and partially because living in a tiny country like Belgium means I’ve more or less been to every Belgian city I ever had any desire whatsoever in visiting. But since I did start this blog in part to documents my random travel adventures, I decided it’s time to do another travel-related post! Below are the top five reasons I hear from fellow black Americans for not travelling abroad:

1. It’s Too Expensive! Travelling doesn’t have to be expensive if you know how to shop around. If you can avoid it, don’t go during the high season. Summer trips to Europe are ALWAYS expensive. Airfare, hotels, etc. all go up, plus it’s crowded to boot. Look at fares in the spring and fall. The weather is still nice and the prices are much lower. Or if you don’t mind the cold, winter fares (with the exception of Christmas/New Year) to much of Europe are rock bottom. Also, don't be afraid of travelling a bit off the beaten path. Central and Eastern Europe tend to be cheaper than Western Europe but still just as impressive in terms of things to see and activities to do.

Plus, you don’t have to limit your travels to Europe. Many Asian countries (with the obvious exception of Japan) are still much easier on the old American wallet than European countries, as are African and South/Central American countries.

For you young/solo travellers, staying in hostels can save you a ton of money, as can cooking dinner in your hostel/rented apartment and eating out at lunch time (when you can often get the same food much cheaper at restaurants) to get a taste for the local cuisine. And of course, use the Internet to compare prices and get the best deals.

2. Folks in Country X Are Racist! Please, there are racist folks in America and yet you still live there. That shouldn’t keep you from travelling. There are racist folks everywhere. Acknowledge it, deal with it and get exploring! Some of the countries I’ve been to have one hell of a reputation for being racist towards black folks (Germany, France, Spain and Italy just to name a few), but I haven’t had any racist incidents in those countries yet. I’ve actually found the Germans that I’ve met in my travels to be quite kind and helpful. I will admit that in some countries (*cough*France/Spain/Italy*cough) black Americans are sometimes treated better than the native black population/African immigrants. Totally not fair I know. But still something to be aware of.

3. There Aren’t Any Black Folks in Country Y! There are always black folks. Always. I don’t care what country you go to, there will be black folks. You might not see them because there very well may only be two in the entire country, but dammit they’re there. Besides there’s more than just black folks in the world. Go forth, travel and interact with some of our more melanin-challenged brethren. You might actually enjoy it or learn a few things. I know I have. Like when I learned the Romanian word for a black person after wandering by a school with kids playing outside in a town in which I'm pretty sure no black person had ever been through either before or since. Cute kids. Nice townfolks. Pretty sure I’m the first and only black person they have ever met...and to this day they probably still think I’m African, despite me repeating “Sunt American (I’m American!)!” over and over again.

4. I Don’t Speak the Language! This should never be a reason not to travel. And I won’t use the old line that “everyone speaks English anyway” because I can tell you from experience that it’s not true. In order to travel to a country that doesn’t have English as an official language, all you have to do is head to your local library and do a little research. Most libraries have travel books that include useful travel phrases in the back. You don’t need to be fluent, but learning some key phrases like “Where is...?”, “How much is...?”, “Do you have...?”, “Please”, “Thank you”, and “Excuse me” really do come in handy. Especially in France. Make an attempt to speak their language and the Frenchies (outside of Paris) will love you forever. Even if you butcher it to hell like I do.

5. Why Would I Want to Leave America? OK yes, America is a pretty awesome country. But it’s not the only awesome country in the world. Just think about all of the things we study while going to school. We read about the wonder that is the Great Wall of China. I can tell you from experience, it’s even more awesome hiking it. We read about the Vietnam War...which became even more real for me as I took a river cruise down the Mekong, the same Mekong my father (a Vietnam vet) waded through with is gun over is head while praying that no snakes would decide to make him dinner. Travelling makes all those (often boring) history lessons more tangible, more alive.

And as much as I love Southern food, Tex Mex and other regional variations of typical American cuisine, the food lover in me also loves trying the local cuisine of whatever country I happen to be in. I did, however, draw the line at trying the fried scorpion in Hong Kong. I would have been more willing to try it had the damn thing not still been alive...and moving on its stick.

Granted, many of the above are reasons given by Americans in general, with the exception of #2 and #3. I think those two are very specific to black Americans and other minorities.

Now it's your turn! What are the top 5 reasons y’all here from fellow black folks/minorities for not travelling?

Oh Glenn Beck. I Call Bullsh*t.

2011-01-08T00:08:00.001+01:00

I first saw this video over on We Are Respectable Negroes:

Wait, wait, wait....let me get this straight. Glenn Beck is claiming the 3/5ths compromise was put in as a ticking time bomb against slavery? Bullsh*t.

The 3/5th's compromise wasn't a f*cking way to abolish slavery. It was a compromise that got the South to sign on to the Constitution by allowing them to retain more political power in the House of Reps and the Electoral College than it otherwise would have had have based on the fact that a large chunk of its population was technically classified as property, not free citizens! If they'd only counted free citizens, the South would have had significantly less political clout. By counting each slave as 3/5th of a person, the South ended up with a larger population of "citizens" than they actually had, as slaves were neither considered citizens nor had the rights of citizens.

I'mma need Glenn Beck to sit down. Preferably in a corner by himself somewhere, so he can think about the stupidity of the sh*t that spews out of his mouth.

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2011-01-02T14:25:00.000+01:00

So I was flipping through my Hot Man Candy folder, where I keep pictures of future picks, and realised that I hadn't put up the always beautiful Michael Ealy! I shall correct that inexcusable oversight now. Enjoy!

Wienerschnitzels and Germans and Bier! Oh My!

2011-01-01T13:18:00.000+01:00

So my friend, and aspiring author, *Kushgirl made the previously mentioned weeklong trip to Deutschland with me. This is my third trip to the land of wienerschnitzel and bier, so instead of doing a write up of Germany through my eyes, Kushgirl volunteered to write about it from her perspective as a Germany newbie. Installment #1 is below:

When ABCiE said we were going to Germany for winter break, I thought, “Really, Germany, in winter, can we say, cold, cold, and hello, we’re black females.” But then I thought, well she’s the jet setter, she knows Europe, what do I know, I’m the hick from Virginia, I’ll just go along for the ride, and hope nothing too untoward happens to us.

The first night could be described as trial by fire, or more aptly trial by ice. Our train was 4 hours delayed, the station was frigid, and there were no seating areas. We clung to each other, and our assortment of luggage. A motley crew of men would walk by us, circling us like birds of prey, and stare down at us, wondering at the strange sight we presented. I suspect they had never seen an Indian, because they kept staring intently at our friend *Kajol. By the time the train pulled in sometime before dusk, I had lost feeling in both my hands, and I was grateful I had decided against going into surgery, for surely my hands would be useless for any procedure.

On the train it quickly became apparent that our reservations had been shall we say, screwed up. Instead of recliner chairs, we were placed in couchette, which consist of 6 mattresses stacked up like bunk beds. I felt like a sardine packed in a tin can. Mercifully I was exhausted, and sleep quickly overtook any misgivings I had about sharing small enclosed sleeping space with complete strangers.

In the morning when we arrived in Munich, I was tired, grumpy, and we had to haul our luggage through the icy streets to our hotel. I felt like I would collapse. Poor ABCiE was nursing a cold, but she soldiered on, our friend Kajol looked about ready to pass out. But we arrived at the Holiday Inn. It was kind of magical. The beds were soft and clean, there was hot water, and we were able to use wifi internet service.

After a quick nap, we walked to an Italian restaurant. It was exactly as I imagined, head waiter got up from the table when he saw us, put up three fingers, I nodded and put up three fingers, “yah, three” I said. He led us to a nice table, I could feel the eyes of the patrons following us, we were obviously foreign. There was no hostility in their eyes, just curiosity.

Somehow we managed to communicate, and we ate a pleasant meal, Kajol and I had promised ourselves that we’d venture out to a pub or two, and try to meet locals. ABCiE, who was still miserably ill, begged off, instead enjoying some long deserved sleep.

I was excited and somewhat nervous. I didn’t speak German, and let’s face it, they’re not considered the friendliest people, especially in their attitudes towards people of color. But I brazened it out, figuring our friendly demeanor and smoking good looks would win us friends. A quick internet search indicated Molly Malones, a local Irish pub, was a good place to go if you didn’t speak German. When we asked the taxi driver, and new friend, Dietmar, about places to go to meet people, he said “Sunday is not a good night to go out.” As we drove around for 20 or so minutes, it quickly became apparent by the empty streets and dim lights in the city center, that indeed Sunday was not a night to venture out...

Want to know what happened next on our German adventure? Tune in for installment #2!

*Names changed 'cause we ain't trying to put all our business out there. :-)

Random Musings on New Year's Eve

2010-12-31T20:55:00.003+01:00

2010 is almost over (and already is for some of you). Instead of doing the usual New Year's resolutions, which I will invariable break about week in, I thought I'd reflect on the past year. It's been an interesting year, full of unexpected, but not necessarily bad, surprises. After leaving my beloved London in 2009, I spent 6 months, instead of my intended 3 months, in France (and in Toulouse, instead of my originally planned for Lyon). Instead of spending 3 months in Germany refreshing the old Deutsch, I just sent foot in Germany for the first time this year a week ago. I spent 3 months in Atlanta over the summer, way longer than I thought I would at the beginning of the year (and jobless...something else I hadn't expected: the super tough job market for even temp work). And now I'm wrapping up 4.5 out of 6.5 months in Brussels, a city I never expected to spend more than a day in when I visited 4 years ago.

So all in all, my 2010 was pretty weirdly, unexpectedly cool. If you told me a year ago where I would be and what I would be doing, I would have given you one hell of a side eye. And yet, sometimes the unexpected, the completely out of left field, can be as good as or better than what we ever so carefully plan. I'm trying to remember this as I oh so carefully plan for and freak out about 2011. My internship is over in 2 months, which means I'll be all kinds of jobless from 1st March. The economy still sucks pretty much everywhere. Yes, there are jobs out there, but the competition is still fierce. And as is normal in the life of an underpaid intern, money is tight. I have no clue what 2011 holds for me, but damned if I'm not going to try my best to enjoy the ride, bumps, twists, turns and all.

Here's to another year full of (hopefully happy) surprises for both me and for you my wonderful blog readers. Happy New Year everyone! And here's a little dance music to welcome in 2011:

Germany!

2010-12-28T16:00:00.000+01:00

As promised (and of course late), photos from my week long trip to Germany! I know that Germans sometimes get a bad rap, but I must say I ran into all kinds of kindness on my trip...including the German lady who's little coffee shop (as in two tables) I visited on Christmas day insisting I sit with her because it was much warmer at her table than at the free table by the door. Pictures below from Cologne, Munich, Nuremberg and Berlin. Just click the name of the city to see more photos. Pictures from Berlin are heavily featured below, partially because I spent Christmas morning walking around in below freezing temperatures and fresh snow to capture some random shots of a fairly deserted, but still awesome, city.

Hot Man Candy of the Week

2010-12-27T02:20:00.000+01:00

So I'm a huge Maroon 5 fan...which more than explains my pick of sexy lead singer Adam Levine as this week's Hot Man Candy! I actually meant to post this before leaving for Germany last week...which I remembered right around the time my train hit the Belgian/German border. Anyhoo, I digress. I'm such a sucker for guys who can sing. Enjoy!